IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Stress-related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#illness
The pie charts provide information about five primary energy sources used in the United States in two different intervals and their units measured in percentages. To commence with 1980, it observed that oil was the most preferred energy source in the United States with 42%, followed by Natural gas at 26%.
Furthermore
, it was analysed that coal used contributes only 22%. Even though, it was remarkably noticeable that Hydroelectric
Power
 and Nuclear
Power
 both remained levelled off with 5%. Moving forward with 1990, it was noticed that oil was in high demand in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 at 33%
whereas
 Natural gas contributed a fourth part of the
overall
 with 25%.
Moreover
, coal showed only a 27% contribution.
However
, Hydroelectric
Power
 and Nuclear
Power
 contribute with 5% and 10%, respectively. To give an overview, in both periods oil was the most preferred energy source in the United States.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Natural gas depicts only
minor
Correct article usage
a minor
show examples
 difference in both periods.
Submitted by er.lerulal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: