In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
It is true that many parts of the world today have an increasing
age
gap between parents and their children. Despite some obvious advantages of this
trend, I would argue that they are outweighed by their disadvantages.
On the one hand, there are two major advantages when the guardians are much older than their young child than they were in the past. One reason for this
is that fathers and mothers can gain more knowledge and preparation before having a baby. One reason for this
is that older fathers and mothers have more knowledge and preparation before they have a baby. Thus
, their children benefit from their parents' experiences and grow up in safer environments. Moreover
, people of mature age
choose to stabilize their income before giving birth. This
will provide toddlers with more opportunities to develop their talent and better living standards.
On the other hand
, I believe that detrimental effects are greater than benefits when parents’ age
is much higher than that of their children. First,
the large generational gap can lead to a lack of understanding between nurtures
and infants. To illustrate, adolescents in the present time have the ability to easily adapt to modern technology Correct your spelling
nurturers
such
as smartphones and laptops due to
early exposure when they were a baby. However
, many studies have shown that individuals who have recently been exposed to high-tech devices, including their caregivers, may struggle to use them. Therefore
, this
causes misunderstanding. Secondly
, having a child when parents are older can result in some health issues. For example
, middle-aged adults are vulnerable to diseases because of their immune system impairment, which adversely affects the raising process or even infects toddlers.
In conclusion, it seems to me that the drawbacks of giving birth to a child at a mature age
are more significant than their advantages.Submitted by dinhtrungkien285 on
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task achievement
The essay provided a complete response to the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages and providing a clear opinion. However, ensure to elaborate a bit more on some points for further clarity.
task achievement
Your ideas are mostly clear and comprehensive. However, the repetitive sentence 'One reason for this is that...' can be improved for natural flow.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from further explanation or more specific examples in discussing technology challenges between older parents and their children.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is strong, and the essay is easy to follow. Continue using clear paragraphing as you have done.
coherence cohesion
Avoiding repetitive phrases will improve cohesion. Consider using a variety of linking words or phrases for smooth transitions.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction that addresses the task.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and supports the overall argument.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, especially regarding technology and health issues, effectively supports the main points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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