IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that those who are selfish and does not care about others are more likely to success at work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals believe that it is comparatively easier to become successful in the workplace if
people
Use synonyms
 are selfish and careless about others,
while
Linking Words
 I have an adverse opinion. Details of my viewpoint will be elaborated in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are selfish and careless are not able to be successful in the workplace since the employees who have a good teamwork spirit are valued and promoted by companies rather than those staff who are willing to share their professional knowledge and working experiences. Working in a company involves daily collaboration with internal and external parties, and companies are always result-driven,
thereby
Rephrase
apply
show examples
a person who is good at teamwork can deliver a better
work
Use synonyms
 result than one who is selfish.
As a result
Linking Words
, the employees who are unselfish and considerate are more possibly to be provided with leading jobs or promoted to important positions by the employers.
For example
Linking Words
, many international giant corporations mark teamwork as one of their core values, and
normally
Punctuation problem
normally,
show examples
 staff performance assessments include the core values of the companies.
Additionally
Linking Words
, from a long-term perspective of personal development,
people
Use synonyms
 who are selfish and inconsiderate cannot succeed at
work
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are selfish can obtain some short-term benefits,
for instance
Linking Words
, they can learn basic
work
Use synonyms
 knowledge faster than their peers because they do not spend time answering questions.
However
Linking Words
, working in a company
needs to make
Wrong verb form
requires making
show examples
 friends and
build
Wrong verb form
building
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 solid relationships with co-workers and stakeholders, and
Use synonyms
work
Fix the agreement mistake
working with
show examples
 friends from different departments can share their knowledge and experiences.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can widen their versions and gain valuable information, and they can contribute more value to their employees and become more competitive in the human resource market
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 that they can be successful in the workplace. Adversely,
people
Use synonyms
 who are selfish find it hard to increase their professional experience
due to
Linking Words
 being independent in the job. In conclusion, no matter from the side of
corporation
Correct article usage
the corporation
show examples
 or personal improvement, there is no doubt that
people
Use synonyms
 find it hard to be successful at
work
Use synonyms
 if they are selfish and careless about others.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain all ideas in simple terms for better understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Add a little more detail or explanation for each point to strengthen your argument.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your viewpoint well.
content
You included relevant examples that support your arguments effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • selfish
  • care about others
  • success at work
  • opposing view
  • arguments
  • supporting
  • against
  • balanced view
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