IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that those who are selfish and does not care about others are more likely to success at work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals believe that it is comparatively easier to become successful in the workplace if
people
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 are selfish and careless about others,
while
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 I have an adverse opinion. Details of my viewpoint will be elaborated in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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,
people
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 who are selfish and careless are not able to be successful in the workplace since the employees who have a good teamwork spirit are valued and promoted by companies rather than those staff who are willing to share their professional knowledge and working experiences. Working in a company involves daily collaboration with internal and external parties, and companies are always result-driven, thereby a person who is good at teamwork can deliver a better
work
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 result than one who is selfish.
As a result
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, the employees who are unselfish and considerate are more possibly to be provided with leading jobs or promoted to important positions by the employers.
For example
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, many international giant corporations mark teamwork as one of their core values, and normally staff performance assessments include the core values of the companies.
Additionally
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, from a long-term perspective of personal development,
people
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 who are selfish and inconsiderate cannot succeed at
work
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.
Although
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,
people
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 who are selfish can obtain some short-term benefits,
for instance
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, they can learn basic
work
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 knowledge faster than their peers because they do not spend time answering questions.
However
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, working in a company needs to make friends and build solid relationships with co-workers and stakeholders, and
work
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 friends from different departments can share their knowledge and experiences.
As a result
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,
people
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 can widen their versions and gain valuable information, and they can contribute more value to their employees and become more competitive in the human resource market so that they can be successful in the workplace. Adversely,
people
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 who are selfish find it hard to increase their professional experience
due to
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 being independent in the job. In conclusion, no matter from the side of corporation or personal improvement, there is no doubt that
people
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 find it hard to be successful at
work
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 if they are selfish and careless about others.

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task response
Ensure a clear opinion is stated in the introduction and develop all aspects of the essay in relation to the given prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Work on providing a more structured outline with well-developed transitions between ideas to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • selfish
  • care about others
  • success at work
  • opposing view
  • arguments
  • supporting
  • against
  • balanced view
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