IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane
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The provided diagram illustrates
different
Correct article usage
the different
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 stages involved in generating
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process of generating
sugar
Use synonyms
 consists of seven stages. Notably, all the stages
carried
Add a missing verb
are carried
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 out by machines. Except from the second stage, that can
also
Linking Words
 be done by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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. To commence with, the basic material for producing
sugar
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 is
sugar
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 cane, which takes about one year to 18 months to grow
up
Change preposition
apply
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. After that, the mature harvests are reaped by machines or human contribution.
Next,
Linking Words
the reaped plants are transformed
to
Change preposition
into
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 factory. There, they are smashed by machine, in order to acquire glucose cane juice. As it may have some impurities, it is crossed through a limestone filter and poured into a giant evaporator. By heating the juice in that container it starts to boil until
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it thickens and
converted
Add a missing verb
is converted
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 to syrup. At the sixth stage,
sugar
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 crystals are separated from syrup in
Centrifuge
Correct article usage
the Centrifuge
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 machine, but as they are warm and humid they should be dried and cooled which
resulting
Wrong verb form
results in
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 consumable
sugar
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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