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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

the chart below shows global sale of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

the chart below shows global sale of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.
#sale #five #phone #brands
The bar chart illustrates
difference
Add an article
the difference
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 global
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 of the top five mobile phone companies between 2009 and 2013.
Units
 sold
measured
Add a missing verb
are measured
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 in millions.
Overall
,
Samsung
, Apple and ZTE companies show
increase
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an increase
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 in
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
units
Change preposition
of units
show examples
 sold in the entire time
period
.
However
, Nokia and LG brands show
decrease
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a decrease
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 in the same time
period
.
Samsung
 company shows a
gradually
Change the adverb
gradual
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 increase from the start of the
period
 to 2013, and
also
 shows the highest increase of five different brands. It started with roughly 230 and ended with more than 300
units
 sold.
Similarly
, Apple and ZTE companies
demonstrates
Change the verb form
demonstrate
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 a rise, but not
so
Correct word choice
as
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sighnificant
Correct your spelling
significant
 as
samsung
Change the capitalization
Samsung
show examples
 does. Apple started from the lowest figure in 2009 and reached
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third place
at the end
 of the
period
 and comprised
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
150
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
units
 sold. Regarding the ZTE,
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
 shows the least change of
units
 in comparison with other brands from 2009 to 2013. With regard to Nokia, data shows that
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 was the
first,
in terms of products sold, in 2009 and 2011, but was replaced after a
drammatic
Correct your spelling
dramatic
 fall from more than 400 to 220, by
Samsung
. The LG company gradually
falled
Correct your spelling
fell
show examples
 from 2009 and 2013,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 with more than 100 and
ended
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
 up with roughly 70.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words units, samsung, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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