At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of these situations outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situations

Recently, in some

countries

, the population of young adults has grown greater than older

people

. I do believe that

although

these situations lead to some drawbacks, the advantages are still greater. Even though common

people

argue that the existence of young populations can lead to various advantages,

this

could be a challenge for governments to provide a wider opportunity for them to find a job since, in many developing

countries

, overpopulation can be another national problem that could be fixed when their government could not provide enormous job opportunities.

This

unemployment problem leads to many domino effects

such

as crimes and juvenile delinquencies.

For instance

due to

unemployment, teenage dwellers consume addictive substances like drugs to tackle their

depressions

Fix the agreement mistake

depression

show examples

. Demographic bonuses tend to give the number of productive workers that can provide various benefits for a country,

such

taxes

Taxes

will contribute to developing nation planning that can improve infrastructure, education, and health care systems generally supporting human quality.

For example

taxes

are allocated to support young societies to find a better education abroad using scholarship mechanisms. It means that

taxes

can elevate the education sector. Another benefit is more competitive.

Countries

that have a higher young generation ubiquitously provide a large number of talented

people

who compete to be a master in their field.

Thus

, it is easily found to

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

the strategic positions. All in all, in my view,

although

there are some drawbacks when

countries

have more young adults than older

people

, I firmly believe that the positive impact is still greater.

However

, governments should mitigate the worst conditions by using suitable planning,

otherwise

Add a comma

otherwise,

show examples

societies will face various economic problems in the future.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Mon Oct 23 2023

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coherence cohesion

Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction to explicitly state your position.

grammatical range accuracy

Use more varied and complex sentence structures to showcase a wider range of grammar.

task achievement

Include more specific examples and details to support your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your ideas are logically organized throughout the essay.

lexical resource

Expand your vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of these situations outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for qualifications. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think the increasing and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Services such as shops, schools and commercial centres should be relocated out of the city center. To what extent do you agree?

The debate exists on whether young people should have the freedom to select their own profession of if they should adapt pragmatic approach, considering their future more seriously.