IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we don't really need. Others say that advertisements tells us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #advertisements #products #lives
It cannot be denied that the role of advertisement in today’s era has become much more profound than ever before. Some
people
 hold the view that promoting a product persistently,
although
 customers do not have any need for it, remains the main goal of the manufacturers
whereas
 others are convinced that It plays an integral part in individuals’ lives when searching for important items to buy.
This
 essay will look at both sides before drawing a conclusion. On the one hand, It is an undisputable fact that adverts have a great impact on informing us about the choices we have. Namely, but for product promotions, we would have less information regarding what to buy, and we are likely to end up purchasing
things
according to
 our limited options as there is not enough knowledge about other products manufactured
elsewhere
 which are right our preferences.
For example
. If someone is in need of the latest design footwear
such
 as a pair of sneakers, he may have to buy them in the local shop, as he does not know about other brands like Nike etc.
Therefore
,
people
 can get a wide range of products when they are marketed on a larger scale,
thus
 making more buyers become aware of the latest fashions.
However
,
on the other hand
, It is essential to note that advertising manipulates individuals,meaning that
people
 are influenced to purchase whatever they see on ads that appear
while
 watching TV or scrolling their smartphones. Not only will they have adverse effects on adults children will
also
 be affected
while
 watching kids’ shows on TV. Having seen various marketed
things
 whether they are useful or vice-verse, they tend to push their parents to bring those
things
 to them. Take fast food as a prime instance, they are often considered detrimental to kids’ health, and avoided by parents.
However
, manufacturers always keep marketing them despite their bad effects on the youth. That’s why, even though some promotions are neglected by the audiences, they are still demonstrated on social media platforms, TV and billboards, making more
people
 exposed to them. In conclusion,
although
 some advertisements tend to be beneficial for us when choosing diverse types of
things
,
however
, they sometimes seem to be representing a bad influence, as , in most cases, most of them tend to manipulate the customers.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints as required by the task, and you provide a well-rounded argument. However, ensure that each argument is supported with clear and detailed examples. Some examples in your essay could benefit from more specificity and detail.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are logically organized and flow well from one to the next. However, some minor grammatical errors slightly hinder the clarity of your ideas. Proofreading for these errors will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your arguments and drawing a well-rounded conclusion.
task achievement
You present a balanced view, covering both perspectives in a coherent manner, which helps in achieving a comprehensive response to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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