Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this and how it can be addressed​?

It is believed that many
people
from around the world
isn't
Verb problem
don't
show examples
seemingly
caring
Wrong verb form
care
show examples
much about staying fit at all. As many
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
man and woman have drained their own
energy
from
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
as well as
their
work
times have taken over all their daily
life
. In order to combat
this
incident so that
people
can live a healthier
life
, helping hands from employers and skills to balance out one's
life
are much needed.
Firstly
, It
hard
Add a missing verb
is hard
show examples
to deny that the amount of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
they have to endure in their workplaces is astronomically massive, even though it is a 9 to 5
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
which is 8 hours on average.
For example
, as a mechanical engineer myself, throughout my day all of my
energy
has
spent
Add a missing verb
been spent
show examples
dried for my 9 to 5 jobs.
Although
most of the
time
it didn't need any labor
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the tasks were always demanding
hence
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
could only imagine myself getting into bed after my day in
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
.
Additionally
, not only
work
time
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the only factor, housework,
family
Correct word choice
and family
show examples
,... are
also
becoming parts
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
your daily
life
's pie chart.
Hence
it is difficult for anyone to focus on their health. For that reason, after stumbled the roots of the problems, drastic measures needed to be
conducted
Verb problem
taken
show examples
. Employers need to reconsider
to shorten
Change the verb form
shortening
show examples
their
time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
or
break
Wrong verb form
breaking
show examples
down
one's
Change noun form
their
show examples
workloads, which will help their employees have enough
energy
to
work
out or even spare
time
with their family as well.
However
, sometimes, it is not their
companies at
Change noun form
company's
show examples
fault as there are many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
incidents where
people
procrastinate which leads to loads amount of unresolved
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Subsequently
, these types of
people
need to improve to overcome their laziness
as well as
adopt
time
management
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. In a nutshell,
although
health is meant to be taken seriously, many
people
don't have enough
time
or
energy
to do so.
Hence
, their workplaces should shorten their
employees
Change noun form
employee's
employees'
show examples
time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
and they
also
need to
work
on their
time
management in order not to be overwhelmed
Submitted by maituanorange on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • technology dependence
  • work-life balance
  • awareness
  • education
  • recreational facilities
  • social media
  • entertainment
  • unhealthy food choices
  • fast food
  • injuries
  • accidents
  • motivation
  • discipline
  • government policies
  • investments
  • physical activity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: