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Writing Samples
Band 4

Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this and how it can be addressed​?

#doctors #countries #people #exercise #addressed​
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It is believed that many
people
 from around the world
isn't
Verb problem
don't
show examples
 seemingly
caring
Wrong verb form
care
show examples
 much about staying fit at all. As many
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
 man and woman have drained their own
energy
 from
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
as well as
 their
work
 times have taken over all their daily
life
. In order to combat
this
 incident so that
people
 can live a healthier
life
, helping hands from employers and skills to balance out one's
life
 are much needed.
Firstly
, It
hard
Add a missing verb
is hard
show examples
 to deny that the amount of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 they have to endure in their workplaces is astronomically massive, even though it is a 9 to 5
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 which is 8 hours on average.
For example
, as a mechanical engineer myself, throughout my day all of my
energy
 has
spent
Add a missing verb
been spent
show examples
 dried for my 9 to 5 jobs.
Although
 most of the
time
 it didn't need any labor
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the tasks were always demanding
hence
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 could only imagine myself getting into bed after my day in
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
.
Additionally
, not only
work
time
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the only factor, housework,
family
Correct word choice
and family
show examples
,... are
also
 becoming parts
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 your daily
life
's pie chart.
Hence
 it is difficult for anyone to focus on their health. For that reason, after stumbled the roots of the problems, drastic measures needed to be
conducted
Verb problem
taken
show examples
. Employers need to reconsider
to shorten
Change the verb form
shortening
show examples
 their
time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 or
break
Wrong verb form
breaking
show examples
 down
one's
Change noun form
their
show examples
 workloads, which will help their employees have enough
energy
 to
work
 out or even spare
time
 with their family as well.
However
, sometimes, it is not their
companies at
Change noun form
company's
show examples
 fault as there are many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
incidents where
people
 procrastinate which leads to loads amount of unresolved
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Subsequently
, these types of
people
 need to improve to overcome their laziness
as well as
 adopt
time
 management
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. In a nutshell,
although
 health is meant to be taken seriously, many
people
 don't have enough
time
 or
energy
 to do so.
Hence
, their workplaces should shorten their
employees
Change noun form
employee's
employees'
show examples
time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and they
also
 need to
work
 on their
time
 management in order not to be overwhelmed
Submitted by maituanorange on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • technology dependence
  • work-life balance
  • awareness
  • education
  • recreational facilities
  • social media
  • entertainment
  • unhealthy food choices
  • fast food
  • injuries
  • accidents
  • motivation
  • discipline
  • government policies
  • investments
  • physical activity
What to do next:
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