IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Qualities which a person needs to become successful in today’s world cannot be learnt at university or similar academic institutions. Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

#qualities #person #today’s #world #learnt #university #institutions #idea
In modern times, success can be obtained by people from all walks of life through varying approaches. In light of
this
,
while
 the qualities provided by scholastic organizations are often deemed inadequate, I would argue that their importance cannot be overlooked in order to succeed. It is understandable why a school of thought holds that success requires more than academic knowledge since vital soft skills
such
 as communicating in workplaces or handling job interviews are virtually non-existent in the curriculums of various traditional schools.
This
 irrefutably sets learners up for failure in occupational environments,
thus
 depriving them of financial stability which is the foundation of a fulfilling life.
However
, the aforementioned qualities are entirely acquirable without prior specialized training and can be easily gained by anyone, especially academically educated individuals.
For instance
, high-school graduates make up for the bulk of the workforce in Hanoi, accounting for roughly 90% of part-time workers. Regarding academic institutions, despite the majority of taught information undoubtedly lacking practicality in real-life scenarios, they nourish and bolster one’s intelligence and rationality.
Consequently
, scholars of
such
 institutions are significantly more intellectually equipped and are bound to succeed in life.
This
 is evidenced by all of the 100 wealthiest men in the world, who
according to
 Forbes, either have attended or finished college.
Furthermore
, scholastic organizations grant students reliable certificates which are the most trustworthy indicators of competence.
This
 is undeniably beneficial in the long term for those who plan to work for prominent corporations or to be qualified for high-wage occupations in general. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that success demands attributes that are not obtainable in academic environments, the knowledge that institutions of
this
 kind provide is compulsory to excel in the modern world.
Submitted by nghjnguyendanh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.
task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are well-developed and provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Revise and improve the logical structure of your essay to enhance coherence.
lexical resource
Use a more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource score.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on using more accurate and complex grammatical structures for a higher score in grammatical range and accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • hands-on experience
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • real-world decision-making
  • professional network
  • internships
  • industry conferences
  • professional social events
  • emotional intelligence
  • empathy
  • self-regulation
  • social skills
  • leadership
  • teamwork
  • personal development
  • lifelong learning
  • new technologies
  • methodologies
  • entrepreneurship
  • risk-taking
  • innovation
  • resilience
  • formal education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: