IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The company you work has decided to close the cafeteria, as the staff is not using it much. You are not happy with the decision. Write a letter to the director. -Give reason of low usage -How will it affect the staff -Suggest ways to improve it

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Dear Mr. Anderson, I'm writing
this
Linking Words

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 letter to express my dissatisfaction with regard to the closure of
cafeteria
Correct article usage
the cafeteria

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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.
Although
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the
nember
Correct your spelling
number

If you don’t want nember to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of employees who
spent
Wrong verb form
spend

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb spent. Consider changing it.

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 their free time in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 place has decreased, I believe it should not be closed permanently. Admittedly, the main reason that the cafe is not as popular as before is that the coffee machine is not working properly, so people cannot have hot drinks.
Moreover
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there is no one in charge of
this
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 area and the staff are responsible for
hygine
Correct your spelling
hygiene

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and working time of the cafe. Since the majority of our workforce
working
Wrong verb form
works

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb working. Consider changing it.

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 for log shifts, a cafeteria is essential because not only is it used for preparing a cup of tea, but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 it is a place we often spend our breaks. I think we can improve the conditions of the
cafteria
Correct your spelling
cafeteria

If you don’t want cafteria to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

with
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 buying some kitchen appliances
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 recruiting a janitor or a waiter, who can manage there in a more efficient way. I really appreciate your cooperation in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 matter and I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely Joe Thomas

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grammar
Consider correcting the spelling errors such as 'nember' to 'number' and 'hygine' to 'hygiene'. These small mistakes can affect the overall impression of the letter.
structure
Make sure each paragraph has a clear single focus to improve clarity, especially in your suggestions for improving the cafeteria.
tone
The tone of the letter is polite and respectful, which is appropriate for the context.
ideas
You clearly expressed your concerns regarding the cafeteria's closure and provided valid reasons.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • limited food options
  • high pricing
  • inconvenient hours
  • staff morale
  • productivity
  • convenience
  • accessible
  • social space
  • bond
  • cohesive
  • survey employees
  • tailor the menu
  • competitive
  • operating hours
  • renovate
  • inviting
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