IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? “It’s more important to eat a good diet than to exercise a lot”. Support your choice with reasons and details.

#“it’s #diet #exercise #lot” #support #choice
It is thought by a selection of individuals that eating
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet brings more benefit to our
bodies
 than doing exercises. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
 notion and my supporting reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion. At the outset, there are several positive effects that workouts can provide to us and one of the most significant is physical health. To elaborate
further
, doing a lot of exercises can strengthen and enhance our interior systems
such
 as the respiratory system, digestive system, etc.
Moreover
, they burn a number of calories which makes us stay in shape
as well as
 toning our muscles. An apt illustration is that I always do weight lifting whenever I have leisure time in order to keep
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in shape and gain more muscle.
Besides
, I
also
 do incline walking as aerobic exercise and
therefore
 I find
myself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that the amount of body fat is decreasing and barely feel exhausted
while
 running or doing other activities.
Additionally
, another crucial and clear upside of exercise is that it protects us from sicknesses. To explain in greater detail, they boost our immune systems;
consequently
, they eliminate bacteria and viruses that are trying to harm us.
Furthermore
, during workouts, body waste that causes ailments is released, making our
bodies
 cleaner and healthier. To specifically demonstrate,
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 latest article that I read
last
 week stated that doing exercises boosts the production of white blood cells which effectively protect us from bacteria and viruses.
In addition
, sweat, which carries toxins, is emitted
while
 we are working out, helping our
bodies
 become stronger. All in all, some people might believe that
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 diet is a paramount factor in achieving better health compared to exercising.
However
, from my point of view, I disagree with
this
 idea, as working out provides individuals with plenty of positive effects on our
bodies
, namely, strengthening our physical health, boosting immunity, etc.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentence structures to make your essay more engaging. Currently, many of your sentences start with 'To...' This can be improved for higher coherence.
task achievement
Be mindful of small grammatical errors and inconsistencies (e.g., 'a latest article' should be 'the latest article'). These can affect the clarity of your essay.
task achievement
Although your examples are relevant and specific, try to add more varied examples. Instead of focusing only on personal experiences, you can also incorporate statistics or public opinions.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined and effectively outline your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You have effectively used relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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