IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. Write a letter to the parents. In your letter explain why you would like the job give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia Write at least 150 words.

#advertisement #australian #magazine #someone #six #months #child #parents #job #person #time #australia
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Dear Sir or Madam,
This
 is Ali from Turkey, My age is 24 and I graduated from Istanbul University 2 years before. My major is pre-school
education
.
While
 I was searching for job opportunities in Common Wealth countries, I saw your job announcement. I felt motivated all of a sudden because of that not only living in Australia but
also
 earning my own money is the exact thing I want. The reasons why I believe I am the best candidate for your child's development are my university
education
,
internships
Correct article usage
the internships
show examples
 I did, and my language abilities. As I mentioned, I graduated from pre-school
education
 as a dean's list student. During my
education
, I worked in three different schools.
In addition
 , my English level is C2, so your kid will not feel strange to me when we
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
live together. I have a plan to do it in my free time in Australia. Feeding a kangaroo is my childhood dream. I will visit Zooparks whenever I am available and make little me's dreams come true. I hope I explained myself nicely. Sincerely, Ali.
Submitted by smd1212 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure all aspects of the prompt are fully addressed for a higher task achievement score.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding on how your experiences specifically prepare you for this job, to strengthen task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, make transitions between paragraphs smoother by linking ideas more explicitly.
Task Achievement
For a stronger letter, integrate more detailed plans about your free time that relate back to your adaptability and suitability for the job in Australia.
General
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors to further improve the overall clarity of the letter.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of introduction and closing statements, enhancing the letter's structure and tone.
Task Achievement
Effective presentation of qualifications and enthusiasm for the job, demonstrating strong task response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Childcare, Nurturing, Patience, Creativity, Early childhood development
  • Babysitting, Au pair, Engaging, Responsible, Enthusiastic
  • Safety, Trustworthy, Adaptability, Proactive, Cultural exchange
  • Activities, Educational games, Language skills, Exploring
  • Volunteering, Community involvement, Australian culture
  • Flexibility, Personal traits, Schedule, Enrichment
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