IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The bar chart below shows the results of a survey and shows factors affecting work performance

The bar chart below shows the results of a survey and shows factors affecting work performance
The presented line chart illustrates the reasons that affect
work
Use synonyms
 performance by age group.
It is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 aged 45-60 are most affected by money and less by their
work
Use synonyms
environment
Use synonyms
. On the other side, young
people
Use synonyms
 are most influenced by the chance for personal development and less by
Job
Use synonyms
 security.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, salary affects
work
Use synonyms
 performance by over 60%. The figure for team spirit is approximately 60%. The statistic for a competent boss is around 50%.
Job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction and promotion prospects impact
people
Use synonyms
 aged 45 to 60 around 47%. Some
people
Use synonyms
 show their respect by working for colleagues at 43%.
Finally
Linking Words
, smaller
people
Use synonyms
 are affected by chance for personal development, relaxed working
environment
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 security at 35%, 30%,and 20% respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, teenagers are most affected by the chance for personal development over 90%.
Initially
Linking Words
, they find relaxation in the working
environment
Use synonyms
 at 80%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the proportion of income is 70%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, both ages consider team spirit and
work
Use synonyms
environment
Use synonyms
 at 60% and 30% respectively. A large group of
people
Use synonyms
 from 18 to 30 care about a competent boss,
job
Use synonyms
 security, respect from colleagues and
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words work, people, environment, job with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: