Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
These days, a significant number of people suggest that the
age
requirements for workers
to retire should be lifted tediously since most of them are having
longer lives. Personally, I strongly disagree with the suggestion since it contributes a lot of drawbacks to company improvement and the health condition of the employees that I will elaborate Wrong verb form
have
further
in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with, many employees will start to retire as they reach a non-productive age
(58-60 years old). Medical professionals believe that older people’s brains will stop the redevelopment of their cells which leads to skills concretion. As an illustration, most older employees are working at a slower rate compared to productive age
workers
although
the task difficulty they are working on is similar. According to
a survey made by a qualified institution, if the younger workers
are given more challenging assignments, they even will be able to complete the task without any mistakes, while
elderly
are unable to solve any of those problems. Correct article usage
the elderly
As a result
, an institution in which the elderly are working will face a slow rate of development.
On the other hand
, most people at the age
of 55 to 70 years old are susceptible to severe diseases, such
as heart attack, sight disease and stroke. Those diseases are mainly caused by the high-stress
level as they are given complex jobs. As an illustration, offshore Correct your spelling
high stress
workers
have high demand and challenging responsibilities, therefore
, it is apparent that most of them have a greater levels
of stress. Correct the article-noun agreement
a greater level
greater levels
Additionally
, severe diseases could also
reduce the living age
of the person.
To conclude
, raising the age
for retirement sessions is indeed unbeneficial for people since it causes several negative impacts on the company's development and the workers
’ health.Submitted by naufalandhikapratama on
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
The response addresses the task but lacks full clarity and comprehensiveness. The examples provided are relevant but need more development and specific details to fully support the ideas.