IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In some countries children are engaged in paid work .some people regarded it as completely wrong ,while others consider it a valuable experience.discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Adolescents are involving themselves in some paid tasks,
this
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 phenomenon is becoming trendy in most countries.Some individuals think it is not good for teenagers,but others argue that it is a prime opportunity to get experience for their future .
This
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 essay will explore both these notions and I will give my opinion in conclusion.
To begin
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 with,it is assumed that paid jobs or assignments that give financial incentives to children distract them from their studies.When learners start earning they are not in a position to manage both work and class, which provides them with an escape from the study.
For example
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,in America ,it is illustrated in a survey that young boys quit education after primary schooling and about 40 per cent are those who are doing work.
Furthermore
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, youngsters want to earn more once they get their own money and most of them consider that education is only necessary for getting a high paid career.
Thus
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 ,paid working practices are not beneficial for students ,they distract their career focus
as well as
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 lead them to quiet examination.
On the other hand
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 ,proponents of other statements argue that doing the job
along with
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 study is ideal to boost the confidence and enhance the communication skills of youngsters.
Firstly
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,a student who works in a huge organization has more exposure to an educated community of society,they learn how to develop ideas and handle any unexpected situation.
For instance
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,in Japan,the government introduced a law in which every university or school-going student must complete a six-month internship in their related field or subject.
In addition
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 ,it fosters a sense of financial management which is a vital skill for their future.
Therefore
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,paid tasks are essential to increase communication skills and learn money management. All things considered,in my opinion,it can be concluded that
although
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 there are a couple of drawbacks for pupils who are doing paid endeavour some of them leave their education ,
this
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 is colossal to develop some essential skills that are extremely beneficial for their future.

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task achievement
The essay provides a thorough examination of both views related to children engaging in paid work. However, to achieve higher scores, consider addressing potential counterarguments more explicitly. Ensure your position is clear throughout the discussion, linking back to it periodically.
coherence cohesion
There is consistency in the logical flow and a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion. However, transitions between points can be smoother to enhance readability and understanding. Try using transitional phrases to connect ideas more fluidly.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents both perspectives, successfully setting the stage for the ensuing discussion.
relevant specific examples
Relevant and specific examples, such as the mention of a survey in America and internship policies in Japan, effectively support your arguments and enhance the essay's credibility.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labour
  • Paid work
  • Human rights
  • Ethical standards
  • Long-term educational prospects
  • Personal development
  • Dangerous working conditions
  • Emotional well-being
  • Systemic exploitation
  • Life skills
  • Time management
  • Financial support
  • Work-life balance
  • Real-world exposure
  • Cultural context
  • Traditional norm
  • Rite of passage
  • Psychological harm
  • Vulnerability
  • Employers
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