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Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages?

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It is argued that taking
risks
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, both in professional and personal
lives
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 is a crucial thing for every individual. In my point of view, taking
risks
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 have more advantages rather than disadvantages,
such
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 as building a strong person and building a growth mindset to achieve success.
To begin
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 with, making decisions is a part of our
lives
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. Every step that we have been through in our life is because of our choices. There are always liabilities which will appear from every decision. The higher the
risks
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 we will take, it can build us to become who we are
this
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 time. As an example, If
people
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 are always making high-risk decisions, they will tend to be stronger
people
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 both mentally and physically. Because they encounter challenges and they learn from their failures.
Therefore
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, by bouncing back from adversity, they can build resilience and come back stronger.
On the other hand
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, taking a high-risk decision can promote a growth mindset because usually,
people
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 use setbacks as opportunities for growth.
For instance
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, an entrepreneur who has a large
business
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 in their
lives
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 surely has a bad experience running their
business
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. I attended the entrepreneur seminar a couple of months ago, the speaker was the owner of a famous drink in Indonesia. He said that he has undergone ups and downs to build his
business
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 until now. He suffered a great loss and was cheated by
people
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. But he never gave up and decided to continue his
business
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 until now. He had already learned from his mistakes and from his determination before.
Therefore
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, his
business
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 developed until now. He gains a big profit, his product is popular among
people
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, and he has become a successful entrepreneur now.
To conclude
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, I firmly believe that taking
risks
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 in our
lives
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 is more beneficial
instead
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 of the downsides. I believe that taking
risks
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 plays a vital role in our
lives
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 and
this
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 factor lets
people
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 be successful in their
lives
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. The body paragraphs should distinctly support the main thesis and the link between ideas could be stronger.
task achievement
Adequately address all parts of the task. The response needs to explore the disadvantages of risk-taking more thoroughly to present a well-balanced argument.
lexical resource
Employ a wider range of vocabulary to convey precise meanings and avoid repetition. Synonyms and less common phrases can enhance the lexical resource score.
grammatical range
Utilize a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to demonstrate grammatical range. Aim to have error-free sentences as much as possible.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • opportunity
  • growth
  • innovation
  • achievement
  • comfort zone
  • security
  • failure
  • success
  • uncertainty
  • challenges
  • decision-making
  • courage
  • calculated risks
  • consequences
  • fear
  • regret
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