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Writing Samples
Band 6

Education for young people is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education for the adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, whether
education
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 for the young is vital in nations has sparked much debate. Some people assert that countries should mainly focus on people from a young age,
whereas
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 others argue that the government should allocate more money to educating the adult group who do not have the ability to read and write. From my perspective, I strongly believe that money should be spent on helping illiterate
adults
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 to learn. On the one hand, it is undoubtedly vital to focus on educating children from a young age since it will provide opportunities for the youth to develop their fundamental knowledge,
therefore
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 decreasing the number of illiterate citizens in the future.
Furthermore
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,
education
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 in schools has been the main priority in multiple nations throughout the past few decades to enhance the
country’s
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 workforce.
For example
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, in Vietnam, the government spends billions of dollars, which is nearly 10% of the
country’s
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 GDP, on the
education
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 field each year with the purpose of funding the young generation,
therefore
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 developing the
economy
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 in the future.
On the other hand
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, countries deciding to invest in millennials who do not know how to write and read will reap financial rewards.
This
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 is because the investment will bring a better-educated workforce,
thus
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 fostering the growth of the
economy
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 and the
country’s
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 development. With the main concentration on illiterate
adults
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, the corollary of
this
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 would be a sustainable
economy
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 and a better society.
Moreover
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, since
adults
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 who are not capable of reading or writing often have tremendous difficulties in social and professional life, literacy courses will provide them with the necessary knowledge to overcome
such
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 problems.
For instance
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, participants of these classes will no longer feel helpless when they need to read a piece of
story
Add an article
the story
show examples
 to their children before going to bed or write an email to their friends. Ultimately, they will not be deprived of promotion opportunities solely on their basis of literacy skills, or the lack thereof. In conclusion,
although
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this
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 is still a multifaceted problem that we have to be more considerable in the near future, I strongly believe that giving access to
education
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 to illiterate
adults
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 should be adapted more widely,
therefore
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 developing the
country’s
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economy
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 more efficiently.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, presenting relevant main ideas and extending them with well-developed examples. However, there is room for development regarding your conclusion. Aim to extend your final statements, offering more insight into your stance, instead of only restating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph contains a single central idea, aiding coherence. However, there is potential for improvement in your use of cohesive devices (connectors, referencing terms, etc.), which will further enhance clarity and coherence.
lexical resource
Your range of vocabulary is varied and sophisticated; it is evident that you are comfortable using less common lexical items. However, aim for more precision in your word choice to further improve your lexical resource score.
grammatical range
You have shown a broad range of complex sentence structures, but there are minor grammatical errors that could be avoided. Giving your essay a final review before submission will help catch such slip-ups.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • education
  • young people
  • government
  • money
  • adult population
  • read
  • write
  • development
  • nation
  • improve
  • quality of life
  • investing
  • reduced
  • poverty
  • income inequality
  • funds
  • balancing
  • budget allocation
  • crucial
  • equal access
  • opportunities
  • promoting
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • positive effects
  • society
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