IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today whereas some people advocate that players must have physical strenght, others argue that mental skills are much important. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the concurrent era,
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is more important than anything because ''
Health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is wealth''. Some people argue that physical
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is more important
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 others oppose it and believe that mental
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is more crucial. In my opinion, physical
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is more important to win sports rather than mental
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Both have their importance that will highlight both perspectives in
following
Change the article
the following

It appears that the phrase following paragraph does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

show examples
 paragraph. on the one hand, physical fitness makes a man strong and healthy enough to conquer the field in life.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, physical
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 means muscle strength and
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, the ability to work a couple of hours without any tiredness and weakness.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, physical
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is developed by working hard and training. In some sports, physical strength is more critical like weightlifting, football, and cricket.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Indian player Virat Kholi is physically fit to play cricket which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes

It seems that the verb make does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
 him one of the best batsmen
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 their fitness and body. An ideal athlete would possess a balanced combination of physical and mental acuity.
on the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, mental
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is crucial in sports for making strategic decisions, focusing under pressure, and managing stress, and emotions in loss.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, mental capability helps to flourish lifestyle. Businessmen are mentally strong and sharper to take risks and step forward toward success.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Elon Musk is an affluent person in the World
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 his healthy brain. He owns NASA to explore space.
to sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, for the aforementioned reasons, it can be reiterated that both factors are beneficial for human life depending on their occupation. I am a staunch believer that substantial skills outweigh any other skill.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the debate and your perspective, which is great. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases. For example, instead of 'Both have their importance that will highlight both perspectives in following paragraph.' you could say, 'Both have their importance, which will be highlighted in the following paragraphs.'
coherence cohesion
There is a good structure to your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs presenting both views, and a conclusion. However, the cohesion could be improved by using more linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For example: 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' 'Therefore,' etc.
task achievement
Support your points more comprehensively. For instance, while you mentioned the example of Virat Kohli, it would be more convincing if you elaborated on how his physical fitness specifically contributes to his performance.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure overall, but some parts could be ordered better. For example, both body paragraphs could start by directly presenting each viewpoint before detailing examples.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both perspectives as requested by the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and relevant to the topic.
task achievement
You used a relevant and specific example when discussing physical health, which adds strength to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • endurance
  • psychological resilience
  • strategic decisions
  • maintain focus
  • manage stress
  • emotional control
  • physical demands
  • performance
  • optimal performance
  • tailored psychological coaching
  • personal growth
  • winning and losing
  • pivotal role
  • physical fitness
  • excelling
  • athlete
  • body mechanics
  • muscle conditioning
  • cardiovascular health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: