IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #music #role #society #form #entertainment
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Many
people
 believe that
music
 plays an essential role in society,
while
 other
people
 say it is just for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
This
 essay will discuss both views of the statement in the following paragraphs. The main reason why
music
 is important
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 it can be transformed into an identity of a community.
People
 with similar
taste
Fix the agreement mistake
tastes
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
music
 will gather to share information related to specific
music
genre
Fix the agreement mistake
genres
show examples
.
Additionally
,
music
 can
also
 contribute to the culture
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a country.
For instance
, dangdut is well-known as an authentic
music
 from Indonesia.
Moreover
,
music
 can heal
people
. Research showed that specific wave sounds have positive effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the brain,
thus
 some
people
 use
music
 as a therapy. Calming and relaxing songs can be used when
people
 feel a lot of pressure because of their busy
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. On the other side, not all
people
 have
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 interest in
music
.
This
 is all because
music
 is not
teach
Change the form of the verb
taught
show examples
 in schools as a mandatory study subject when they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 young. In school, students learn how to play an instrument and song through student
club houses
Correct your spelling
clubhouses
show examples
.
This
 leads
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
perception that
music
 is not
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 thing to learn in
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
,
people
 just focus on other aspects (e.g.,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and science) and only use
music
 as one
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
tool
Fix the agreement mistake
tools
show examples
. In conclusion, in my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
music
 is
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 society as an identity and it can contribute to the culture.
Music
 can heal
people
 who need
because
Correct pronoun usage
it because
show examples
 of the calming sensation that
produced
Add a missing verb
is produced
show examples
 by specific sounds.
However
, many
people
 do not have
interest
Add an article
the interest
an interest
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
music
 because they believe it is not an important thing to be mastered. They just focus
to learn
Change preposition
on learning
show examples
 aspects that are crucial for
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
Submitted by jxnxy01 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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