IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
music
Use synonyms
 plays an essential role in society,
while
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
 say it is just for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
This
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 essay will discuss both views of the statement in the following paragraphs. The main reason why
music
Use synonyms
 is important
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 it can be transformed into an identity of a community.
People
Use synonyms
 with similar
taste
Fix the agreement mistake
tastes
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 will gather to share information related to specific
music
Use synonyms
genre
Fix the agreement mistake
genres
show examples
.
Additionally
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,
music
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 contribute to the culture
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a country.
For instance
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, dangdut is well-known as an authentic
music
Use synonyms
 from Indonesia.
Moreover
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,
music
Use synonyms
 can heal
people
Use synonyms
. Research showed that specific wave sounds have positive effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the brain,
thus
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 use
music
Use synonyms
 as a therapy. Calming and relaxing songs can be used when
people
Use synonyms
 feel a lot of pressure because of their busy
live
Replace the word
lives
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. On the other side, not all
people
Use synonyms
 have
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 interest in
music
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is all because
music
Use synonyms
 is not
teach
Change the form of the verb
taught
show examples
 in schools as a mandatory study subject when they
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 young. In school, students learn how to play an instrument and song through student
club houses
Correct your spelling
clubhouses
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.
This
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 leads
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
perception that
music
Use synonyms
 is not
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 thing to learn in
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 just focus on other aspects (e.g.,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and science) and only use
music
Use synonyms
 as one
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
tool
Fix the agreement mistake
tools
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. In conclusion, in my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 is
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 society as an identity and it can contribute to the culture.
Music
Use synonyms
 can heal
people
Use synonyms
 who need
because
Correct pronoun usage
it because
show examples
 of the calming sensation that
produced
Add a missing verb
is produced
show examples
 by specific sounds.
However
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 do not have
interest
Add an article
the interest
an interest
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 because they believe it is not an important thing to be mastered. They just focus
to learn
Change preposition
on learning
show examples
 aspects that are crucial for
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.

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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical organization of your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more varied and precise language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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