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Band 7.5

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#schools #children #information #internet
One school of thought holds that
schools
 should be abolished in light of the available
information
 on the
internet
 which students can benefit from.
While
 acknowledging the reason for
this
 proposal, I believe that relying completely on the
Internet
 is not the best way to provide education to children. Granted, proponents of getting rid of
schools
 might argue based on the rich resources on the
Internet
, supporting education. A large amount of databases, they say, would be available online for any subjects which would mean that students do not need to go to school.
In addition
, closing public
schools
also
 would be synonymous with reducing the cost of maintaining, training, educating and operating execution which benefits
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 limiting the use of government coffers.
However
,
this
 perspective overlooks our heavy reliance on the
Internet
 as evidenced by the fact that children really need to be guided by professionals and a practical interaction environment to enhance other soft skills.
Firstly
, it is admitted that not all the
information
 on the
internet
 is verified or believable, especially in terms of specific subjects which sometimes requires a deep understanding to acknowledge.
Hence
, accessing
this
information
 might lead to misunderstanding and fail to help children be excellent in learning and acquiring new knowledge, if the
information
 hasn’t been accredited.
Moreover
, interacting in a community builds students a sense of connection and cooperation and develops soft skills which support them more in real life. Those sometimes are much more important than simply gaining knowledge in any subjects at school.
To conclude
, I would contend that abolishing
schools
 in light of the availability of
information
 on the
internet
 is failing in approaching, even though
this
 helps to reduce costs, as the
internet
 only helps to provide knowledge but not life skills.
Moreover
, those databases are not always accredited leading to misunderstanding which is why keeping
schools
 is really necessary.
Submitted by lantran180487 on

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Task Response
Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed and that the opinion is clear from the beginning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Continue to develop strong logical flow and coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to demonstrate a stronger command of the English language.
Grammatical Range
Work on grammatical accuracy to eliminate errors and improve sentence structure.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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