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Band 8

Scientific research should be the responsibility of government rather than commercial organisations. Do you agree?

#research #responsibility #government #organisations
The nation should be concerned with scientific research
instead
 of commercial companies. I firmly agree with
this
 notion that
experiments
 that will be useful to the law in the future, must be taken care of by the government. I do believe that the consequences of the result whether it is good or bad should be cleared out by the nation.
Firstly
, scientific
experiments
 are unpredictable, and humans are unable to be sure if it is going to be successful or not.
Consequently
, a huge amount of money will be at risk.
For instance
, recently a submarine was designed and developed by a few England-based scientists, which helped to find the leftovers of the Titanic ship, which got busted in the middle of the journey. Not only did prominent scholars lose their lives even the organisation that spent millions of dollars to build that submarine got nothing in return.
Hence
, lawmakers should take responsibility for crucial or high-risk research.
Similarly
, successful inventions can help to raise the economy of the nation. If the total cost is provided by the government of the country
then
 it is legally its right to promote it in other nations.
This
 will not only increase the status but
also
 boost the economy. To exemplify, Radio is one of the remarkable scientific inventions which was first invented by Italy and later on, it is all over the world.
Thus
,
such
experiments
 can make world records. In conclusion, whether the research has less potential or more, there will be only the law, which can take an adventure on new
experiments
. There will be no doubt that in future, the State will invest the whole amount in
experiments
 without any assistance from famous companies.
Submitted by harpreet291kaur on

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Coherence and Cohesion
You've presented a logical structure in your essay; however, it could be improved by clearly differentiating between your points and ensuring each paragraph is dedicated to a particular idea. Avoid merging different points in a single paragraph.
Task Achievement
The introduction and conclusion are present, and they provide a rounded view of the essay. Keep practising to refine these elements further.
Task Achievement
Ensure that you support your main points with enough explanation and examples. While you've provided relevant instances, they lack clarity and detailed explanation.
Task Achievement
Your essay attempts to respond completely to the prompt, but the response could be more specifically tied to the question asked. Make sure every paragraph clearly contributes to your overall argument and directly addresses the question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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