IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think although countries with long average working hours are economically successful, this often has some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #hours #consequences
People have different views on whether extending working
hours
 can contribute to a more prosperous economic system, but lead to many unpredicted social problems. I completely agree with
this
 idea. On the one hand, it is beneficial for the development of the national economy to prolong their working
hours
.
Firstly
, countries that encourage longer workdays and weeks tend to have higher productivity levels and economic growth because they can produce more commodities and products within a limited time compared with those nations with shorter working
hours
.
For example
, Japan has a reputation for its intensive
work
 culture, characterized by extensive overtime, which plays a pivotal role in Japan’s economic development, leading it to be one of the most successful economies.
Additionally
,
this
 behaviour
also
 can lower the costs on labourers, attracting more overseas companies to establish a factory there and would
further
 lead to its economic prosperity.
However
, the influences on society cannot
also
 be ignored.
To begin
 with, extending working time would lead to the degradation of workers’ physical health and
further
 exert negative impacts on their mental health.
For instance
, in countries where people are routinely working long
hours
, there may be an increase in stress-related health issues
such
 as obesity
due to
 their lack of physical exercise and irregular diets.
Besides
,
this
 working pattern would
also
 result in a strained family relationship with their family members, and even cause the absence of due care in the upbringing of their children, which poses a threat to the stability of families.
Furthermore
, it
also
 hinders the creativity of workers in their
work
due to
 their burnout, exhaustion, and demotivation towards
work
, leading to a lower level of productivity in the long term. In conclusion,
while
 there are many benefits to
force
Wrong verb form
forcing
show examples
 their employees to
work
 longer, I would argue it would hinder the
overall
 development of the nation in the long term.
Submitted by 52YANGYANG on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective, providing a clear indication of your stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
You present your main points in a logical manner and support them with relevant examples.
lexical resource
Your vocabulary range and word choice are appropriate and contribute to the overall effectiveness of your essay.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is good, with only a few minor errors that do not impede communication.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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