Some people think advertisements control what we purchase, while others think they are useful sources of information on products. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Many
people
believe that advertisements manage what products we buy at the store or market, meanwhile, others argue that it is a lucrative resource of data around the whole world. Each argument will be discussed and a reasoned answer will be drawn. On the one hand, the vast majority of society is mostly dependent on target-oriented advertisement tools.
This
is because of the rule of
a
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apply
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dynamite that marketing agencies generate in order to obtain more revenue by selling.
This
means that the choices of individuals are greatly influenced by famous celebrities in the entire world who effectively record the video advertisement and post it on their social media. Afterwards,
people
start to replicate their actions by not comprehending the dynamite effect.
For example
, when Johnny Depp was filmed in a huge corporation's ad, called Dior, the level of income had
been
Unnecessary verb
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escalated by 40 per cent around the world.
Therefore
, it is evident that marketing impacts the aimed prioritizes of society.
However
, the various strategies of selling the products can have a positive effect on some individuals who do not want to purchase.
Then
, they analyze the market and search for the most appropriate option. After the precise number of wins with regard to the
fluctuated
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fluctuating
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percentages in various shops, they bravely could afford something necessary.
For instance
, many
people
in Kazakhstan possess a habit of analyzing the market and ads of a plethora of magazines
such
as Sulpac, and IKEA in order to purchase domestic things. But the difference in prices after a good ad-video and paper-styled type of marketing made
people
buy from Technodom
store
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stores
show examples
. Because these strategies give households great data opportunities. In conclusion, I partly disagree with the statement that argues:
people
are managed by advertising,
while
the second notion works more logically regarding the net worth of the society and its effect on inflation makes the situation much more complicated as individuals can not easily obtain everything they want after the ads.
Submitted by zhomart on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, but some points lack depth and clear explanation. Enhance the discussion by providing more detailed arguments and examples for both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has an introduction and conclusion, they can be more robust. Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating your thesis and reinforce the conclusion by summarizing the key points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are complex and may hinder comprehension. Simplify your sentence structure and ensure each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning.
task achievement
The writer attempts to discuss both sides of the argument, showcasing an understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, such as mentioning Johnny Depp and specific brands, to illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear effort to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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