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Band 6.5

Nowadays, some people are changing their way of look through hair colour, cosmetics and even plastic surgerie. What are the reasons? Is it a good thing?

#people #hair #colour #cosmetics #plastic #surgerie
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There has been a noticeable change in
people
Use synonyms
 changing their own look through hair, and cosmetics .
This
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 essay will point out the reasons behind
this
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 trend,
as well as
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 add critics regarding
such
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 irresponsible behaviour of
people
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.
To begin
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 with, it is natural for humans like ourselves to experience
such
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 urges to look good among the public. One couldn't imagine oneself being recognized as what is called a public outcast.
Thus
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 unsurprisingly, thousands of fortunes are spent to help them become a "swan among the pond".
However
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, that was just the tip of the iceberg as there are lots of
people
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 who underwent deformed birthmarks,
in other words
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, many
people
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 suffered from abnormal appearances.
Hence
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 surgery is the only option for these types of
people
Use synonyms
 to help them enjoy everyday life without any discrimination. Other than that, captivating beauty surgery to look good is blasphemy and ridiculous. There have been many reports showing the danger of cosmetics and plastic surgeries,
thus
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 the choice of adding plastic to our bodies just to be beautiful is ignorant behaviour.
For example
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, there was an event that shocked everyone in Vietnam when a fraud who identified himself as an experienced surgeon, did a surgery which involved inflating a young woman's chest.
As a result
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, that young woman, who expected to have a successful result after spending millions of Vietnam dong,
was
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apply
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sadly lost her life.
Subsequently
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, the fraud was arrested.
To conclude
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, it is no surprise for humans to pursue the beauty standard to raise their own public image.
However
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, concerning health, it would be wise if we just stopped
at
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apply
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dying our hair and doing make-up.
Submitted by maituanorange on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are logically connected and support the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Include a clearer thesis statement and a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary, including more formal academic terms.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy.
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