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Band 6.5

Some people think the most important thing about being rich is that it gives a person an opportunity to help other people, to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #person #opportunity
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People
 expect rich
people
 should help poor individuals. I strongly agree with
this
 opinion because it is important to think about
others
 rather than turning a blind eye to poor
people
.
To begin
 with, Some wealthy
people
 would like to spend a particular part of their
money
 investing in a way
that is
 beneficial for
others
. actually, it causes peace and happiness themselves. They assist
people
 by establishing companies and factories, so they can give jobs and rewards to
people
 who need them, I think it is the best thing they can do because some poor
people
 believe that they have self-esteem and they should work and earn
money
. they don'
t
 accept any monetary help from
others
 without hard work.
Furthermore
, there are lots of rich
people
 who help
others
 in different ways, by supporting children who wouldn'
t
 be able to pay their school fees and even can'
t
 purchase their uniforms, notebooks, bags, shoes, and so on.
Moreover
, some wealthy
people
 invest their
money
 in building new schools, hospitals, and libraries in rural areas that don'
t
 have them and they aren'
t
 helped by governments.
Also
, they give their helping hand to
others
 who can'
t
 afford to buy and rent a house.
In addition
, they give financial support to athletes and artists to train more and provide crucial equipment for them. There are many rich
people
 who invest their bucks in investigations about maintaining the environment, dropping air pollution, and some activities like
this
 which are very important for the health of folks. In conclusion, rich
people
 who do these charities, feel pleased in their life, so these activities are beneficial for themselves and the poverties. The most important point is
money
 has a very critical role in the satisfaction and delight of
people
 all around the world.
Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Provide a stronger conclusion to summarize your main points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structures and grammar usage to improve clarity.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
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