IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways.

#people #success #measure #intelligence
Several individuals contend that success is the ultimate measure of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inteligence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
while
 other
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that it can be
asseased
Correct your spelling
accessed
assessed
 through alternative means.From my point of view high
achivers
Correct your spelling
achievers
 have a lot of
sourses
Correct your spelling
sources
 of information in their minds.
This
 can be explained by two key reasons, they
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 a lot of knowledge and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can not be influenced by
extend
Wrong verb form
extended
show examples
 factors
such
luck
Change preposition
as luck
show examples
 or
oportunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
. Personalities that
achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
 success are experienced and learned a large amount of mastery.Many of them explained that only with their high level of thinking they reach all their peaks.
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
,
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 of the best examples is Ilon Musk.He shows to all
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of the world, his level of
intelect
Correct your spelling
intellect
 by their
achivmets
Correct your spelling
achievements
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
this
 fact,Ilon is one of the richest
hymans
Correct your spelling
humans
hymns
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 planet. Many people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that
to get
Verb problem
achieving
show examples
 all
thiers
Correct your spelling
their
 dreams needs only some
oportunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and luck.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand,there are only some situations , when
this
happends
Correct your spelling
happens
, but
on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 they remain with poor minds.One of the significant examples are winners in casino, they spend all
theirs
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 winnings without expecting about future and real needs.Barely with a
briliant
Correct your spelling
brilliant
mind
Add a comma
mind,
show examples
 they can manage their incomes correctly. In essence, success can be a valuable measure of intelligence in certain contexts, but it should not be the sole or definitive measure.
Intelect
Correct your spelling
Intellect
 is a complex and nuanced quality that can be observed and celebrated in various forms.
Submitted by acaitaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay adequately addresses the topic, but there is room for improvement in providing a more thorough analysis and evaluation of the two perspectives. Additionally, the ideas could be more clearly structured and organized.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion to some extent, but there are instances where the logical structure could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack strength and clarity. The main points are supported, but the organization could be enhanced.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource. However, there is room for improvement in terms of using a wider range of vocabulary, as well as incorporating more precise and sophisticated language.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical range. However, there are instances of errors, particularly in sentence structure and verb tense agreement. It is advisable to proofread the essay carefully to ensure grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: