Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an opinion saying that protecting wild
animals
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is a waste of time and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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since they are not necessary anymore in the 21st century. Personally, I disagree with
this
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statement for reasons outlined below. It is nonsense to say wild
animals
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have no part in the 21st century since they always play an important role in the environment. Whether in the Stone Age, medieval age or modern age,
animals
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, and plants have been living together and forming a balance in life that no humans can make. Plants give off oxygen and
foods
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food
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,
while
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animals
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help plants grow and multiply. If we don’t protect wild
animals
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well, most of them will go extinct
due to
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overhunting, which will break the balance of nature and lead to many adverse consequences of deforestation,
hurricane
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hurricanes
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, and other terrible disasters. It takes resources to protect wild
animals
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, but their existence will bring other benefits to the nations that preserve/conserve them. Wildlife, zoos and preservation/conservation areas that allow tourists to visit would generate a large amount of income each year
to
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for
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the countries in charge
while
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they can even take pride in themselves for having some of the rarest wild
animals
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in the world,
not to mention
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the environment protection
along with
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it.
In addition
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, most of the cost
for
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of
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protecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wild
animals
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is covered by various international funds all over the world, so having rare species is more of a blessing than a burden to a country. In conclusion, wild
animals
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deserve to live freely under
protection
Correct article usage
the protection
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of humans
due to
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the significance/importance of their existence and the benefits they
are bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
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. We should do everything we can to protect them for the sake of ourselves and our future generations.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, ensure that you structure your paragraphs more clearly, with distinct topic sentences stating the main idea of each paragraph followed by supporting sentences that develop that idea with explanations, examples, or evidence. Using linking words and phrases appropriately to connect ideas can also enhance the overall flow of your text.
task achievement
Addresses all parts of the task sufficiently but could do so more fully. You present a clear position throughout the response, maintain focus on the task, and present information and ideas but with limited development. To enhance your task achievement, you could incorporate more specific examples and a broader range of ideas to fully support your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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