Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an opinion saying that protecting wild
animals
is a waste of time and efforts
since they are not necessary anymore in the 21st century. Personally, I disagree with Fix the agreement mistake
effort
this
statement for reasons outlined below. It is nonsense to say wild animals
have no part in the 21st century since they always play an important role in the environment. Whether in the Stone Age, medieval age or modern age, animals
, and plants have been living together and forming a balance in life that no humans can make. Plants give off oxygen and foods
, Fix the agreement mistake
food
while
animals
help plants grow and multiply. If we don’t protect wild animals
well, most of them will go extinct due to
overhunting, which will break the balance of nature and lead to many adverse consequences of deforestation, hurricane
, and other terrible disasters. It takes resources to protect wild Fix the agreement mistake
hurricanes
animals
, but their existence will bring other benefits to the nations that preserve/conserve them. Wildlife, zoos and preservation/conservation areas that allow tourists to visit would generate a large amount of income each year to
the countries in charge Change preposition
for
while
they can even take pride in themselves for having some of the rarest wild animals
in the world, not to mention
the environment protection along with
it. In addition
, most of the cost for
protecting Change preposition
of
the
wild Correct article usage
apply
animals
is covered by various international funds all over the world, so having rare species is more of a blessing than a burden to a country. In conclusion, wild animals
deserve to live freely under protection
of humans Correct article usage
the protection
due to
the significance/importance of their existence and the benefits they are bringing
. We should do everything we can to protect them for the sake of ourselves and our future generations.Wrong verb form
bring
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, ensure that you structure your paragraphs more clearly, with distinct topic sentences stating the main idea of each paragraph followed by supporting sentences that develop that idea with explanations, examples, or evidence. Using linking words and phrases appropriately to connect ideas can also enhance the overall flow of your text.
task achievement
Addresses all parts of the task sufficiently but could do so more fully. You present a clear position throughout the response, maintain focus on the task, and present information and ideas but with limited development. To enhance your task achievement, you could incorporate more specific examples and a broader range of ideas to fully support your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite