Your child is going on a trip to another country for 3 days. School is looking for some parents who can join the trip and you decided to apply for the same. You are interested in going with trip. Write a letter to the head of the school and include: – Why you want to join the team – What you can do to assist – Queries related to the trip.

#child #trip #country #school #parents #head #team #queries

Dear Sir, Hi there, How are you? I hope you are doing great. I am writing

this

letter to get information about the recent trip organized by the school to Australia for 3 days, as I want to go on

this

tour with my children if possible. I have already completed the formalities required for

this

tour.

Firstly

, I love my children very much, so I do not want to stay away from them.

Moreover

, my offspring were feeling sick

last

week,

that is

why, they need more care than others. Apart from that, It will

also

give me a chance to visit a country like Australia, which is a very famous tourist place throughout the world.

Secondly

, I am

also

working as a Childcare Assistant in a local daycare, so I can help you all in the caretaking of all infants.

Furthermore

, I have a master's in world history, which is useful for gathering knowledge about different historical places.

Lastly

, I have a question related to extra fees, how much I will have to pay if I am allowed to go with you and what is the deadline to pay it.

In addition

, can you inform us 15 days before the trip so that we can prepare for it? Looking forward to your response. Yours faithfully, TS

Submitted by tajinder.panag on Sun Oct 29 2023

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task achievement

Make sure to address all the points mentioned in the prompt in a more explicit manner.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Use paragraphs effectively to organize your ideas.

lexical resource

Try to expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied language.

grammatical range

Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors or awkward phrasing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

9 paragraphs

218 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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