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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people argue that because the internet makes it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts.Instead, they should focus on developing children’s skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is often believed that
schools
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 should no longer teach subjective information
due to
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 the prevalent use of the internet among children which easily allows them to achieve the same purpose. Alternatively, they should intend to promote their human
skills
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. I totally agree with
this
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, for children are able to easily access a range of information on their own and the demands of societies are changing in a dramatic way. The primary reason for my justification for
schools
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 to put more emphasis on practical
skills
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 is the growing ability of
students
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 to search online to gain a wide range of information on their smartphones and computers. Indeed, the application called Study Suppli is a popular platform to
provide
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provides
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 helpful learning resources including videos and pictures to facilitate their understanding.
In addition
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, these learning materials are created to meet their diverse needs, which encourages their individual studies.
As a result
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, motivated
students
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 are likely to make higher achievements as they actively take advantage of them.
Further
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 support for my view is altering expectations for the young in the fast-changing society today.
In other words
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, individual talents are regarded as essential for the survival of companies to impress customers with their dynamic ideas.
For instance
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, companies tend to conduct more interview tests to analyze personal characters and their talents to handle various situations than written exams which only test their understanding.
Moreover
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,
schools
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 should concentrate on developing interpersonal
skills
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 to establish relationships and promote cooperation so they can solve problems more promptly. Those who successfully demonstrate
such
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 human
skills
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 will have better employment opportunities as well. In conclusion, I am in complete agreement that
schools
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 should no longer teach facts because
students
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 have sufficient educational experience using the Internet. Rather than academic knowledge, soft
skills
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 should be promoted so
students
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 develop more personal
skills
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 and extend their social networks.

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task achievement
Be sure to directly address the question in your introduction, making your viewpoint clear. Your introduction should succinctly state your agreement or disagreement and outline the reasons you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively. While your essay demonstrates a good logical flow, more sophisticated connectors could enhance coherence.
task achievement
Develop your arguments further by providing more detailed examples and explanations. While you offer relevant examples, deeper analysis and more specific details will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Include a summary of your main points in the conclusion to reinforce your argument. It's important to reiterate your stance and the reasons behind it succinctly in the final paragraph.
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