The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
People
´s average health
overall
will probably decrease within the next coming years. This
essay aims to disagree with this
statement, due to
the fact that several people
suffer from silent diseases
, which augments the importance of getting screened for them by their close friends and relatives. In tandem with highly-skilled professionals on social media
promoting self-care
and screening for this
diseases
proves it.
Nowadays more and more Fix the agreement mistake
disease
people
become conscious of silent diseases
, such
as arterial hypertension and hyperlipidemia because someone close to them is suffering from the disease or its sequels. Close relatives and friends of people
suffering become more aware of this
and want to be tested for them. For example
, more patients attend medical consults even though they are feeling generally good, because they wish to either have their arterial pressure taken or get bloodwork done in order to check for hyperlipidemia or any other silent disease and when asked why, they respond that it´s due to
the fact that a close friend of them suffers from this
disease.
In addition
, the impact that social media
has had on people
becoming self-aware of their physical and mental health
is huge. Not all social media
accounts are a good source for overall
health
but there are quite a good amount of them which have science-based information and promote self-care
along with
screening tests. The YouTube account known as Dr. Mike is a great example of a health
-promoting social media
account which is science-based. Dr Mike bases all his videos (which are science or health
-related) on self-care
and screening for silent diseases
which once prevented, could make a difference.
In conclusion, the average standard of people
´s health
won´t decrease in the upcoming years. This
is thanks to the overall
awareness of people
knowing someone who suffers from silent diseases
and the work of highly skilled professionals in social media
accounts promoting self-care
.Submitted by f.leyton.a on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be further developed to provide a clearer roadmap for the essay. Consider explicitly stating your position in the introduction and summarizing your main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
Great job providing relevant examples and supporting your ideas. Make sure to maintain a clear and focused argument throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Excellent use of vocabulary related to health and disease. Continue to vary your word choice and use more complex and precise vocabulary to further enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Overall, your grammar is strong and you effectively convey your ideas. Pay attention to sentence structure and ensure proper punctuation to enhance clarity.
Your opinion
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