Behaviour is getting worse. Explain the causes of this problem and suggest some possible solutions.
Along with
the development and changes in our society are the numerous issues about drugs
, alcohol
, and criminal activities
. This
observation asserts that human behaviours nowadays are becoming extreme and detrimental for everyone. This
essay will provide a number of causes and possible solutions to these unsafe behaviours.
Firstly
, illegal activities
are mostly connected with alcohol
and substance abuse. Most convicted prisoners are either using alcohol
or dealing drugs
due to
poverty or intergenerational trauma
. For example
, there is a high number of Indigenous children involved with crimes in Australia because of a cycle of trauma
and violence in the family. Their parents are unemployed and most of the time are under the influence of drugs
or in prison. According to
the study published in the Australian Association of Social Workers, Indigenous parents are experiencing ongoing trauma
from their abusive parents, which affected their parenting and most likely lost track of taking care of their children. This
ongoing trauma
has a likelihood to continue especially when children grow up and have their own offspring.
Considering the issues of Indigenous Australians, possible solutions are support from the government along with
their active collaboration with the Indigenous communities. By way of illustration, the Australian government can establish regular meetings with the elders of the Aboriginal communities to discuss ongoing trauma
in order to tailor their interventions to the needs of Indigenous people
. Furthermore
, governments in any country must collaborate and unite with their people
to identify needs and strategies to end unlawful activities
and rampant use of drugs
and alcohol
. Governments can start with education and health departments to increase awareness and reach out to families.
In conclusion, the unhealthy behaviours of people
can be traced back to intergenerational trauma
and poverty which increase the likelihood of criminal activities
and substance abuse. However
, this
issue can be resolved with the governments collaborating with their people
by prioritising their needs, health and education.Submitted by melcastillo15 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific point related to the causes and solutions of the problem. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce the main ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-presented. Ensure that the introduction clearly states the issue and provides a preview of the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Consider using synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and more varied sentence structures.
grammatical range
While there are some minor grammatical errors, overall, your use of grammar is effective in conveying your ideas. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure to further improve your grammatical range.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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