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Writing Samples
Band 7

Band-9 Samples: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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With the increasing level of global awareness surrounding medical issues, whether or not
people
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 are seeking any other methods
instead
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 of normal
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 medical
treatment
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 when they are not well has become a widely debated topic.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that there are metrics to follow in normal practice, others maintain that we could use other methods to treat ourselves. In
the
Correct determiner usage
this
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 essay, I will explore the reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon and argue that it constitutes a largely beneficial development in alternative medicine.   To start with,
people
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 hold the belief that non-traditional medicines have fewer side
effects
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 than traditional ones. One striking example is the natural
treatment
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 that doesn't recommend taking pills immediately when you are feeling ill; it is replaced by applying some oil extracted from natural products, like lemon, lavender, mint, etc., to the body.
This
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 kind of
treatment
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 doesn’t contain any side
effects
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 that taking ordinary drugs may have,
for instance
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, dizziness and nausea. It can
also
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 boost our immune system
instead
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 of relying on drugs.  
On the contrary
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,
people
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 argue that not treating diseases properly
according to
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 the usual method may delay
treatment
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 and cause serious health problems.
For instance
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, fever can develop into brain pneumonia if it is not handled properly.
However
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, patients seeking uncommon methods to heal themselves say that either because the illness is not heavy and they can try natural treatments first or no regular medicine can heal them,
for example
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, the final stage of cancer, which should not have more harmful
effects
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 and may be the
last
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 chance for them.  
To conclude
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, the advantages of having alternative treatments are that they have fewer side
effects
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 and could not have adverse
effects
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 on the disease. Using them to solve health problems is obvious; it is predominantly a positive development.

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task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the task question and presents a well-developed argument. However, make sure to fully address all aspects of the prompt in your introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. However, consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and mostly accurate word choice. Consider using more varied and precise vocabulary to further enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Your essay shows a good command of grammatical structures and uses a variety of sentence types. However, watch out for occasional errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage.
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