Celebrities are usually famous for glamour and wealth rather than their achievements. Some say taking them as an example can be dangerous for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #say #people

Nowadays, millions of actors are famous

due to

their wealth

instead

of talent. Some human beings say that

this

would be a dangerous situation for youth because of not working on their goals,

whereas

others believe it would be beneficial for them.

However

, I disagree with

this

notion to a certain extent

due to

possible reasons

such

as a number of superstars having luxurious lives because of their struggle and talent.

To begin

with, the foremost reason for disagreeing to a certain level is their struggle which means, the majority of people are working hard in their life to accomplish their goals. In fact, a few celebrities explain in their shows that they perform their jobs hard to live a happy life. Shahrukh Khan,

for example

, the king of Bollywood stars started his career as a background dancer because of low financial status.

Moreover

, they guided the children about the benefits of dedication

as well as

success and failures in their lives. On the other side, certain humans believe that it has a few negative impacts on teenagers.

Firstly

, the excessive posts of these celebrities not only confused them about reality but

also

about social media. To explain

further

, they believe that they don't need to put effort into their long-term achievements which is ultimately the reason for wasting time.

Furthermore

, the growing number of girls and boys are following them as role models which

affects

Change the verb form

affect

show examples

their decisions namely late-night parties, and the use of drugs.

To conclude

, there has been a big debate about whether the glamour of these superstars has a negative impact on youth or not. Some think it has a harmful effect on youngsters because of their high lifestyles.

Nevertheless

, I disagree with

this

statement to some extent as they are always educating the youth about their dedication and hard work.

Submitted by buttargurpinder73 on Tue Oct 31 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Work on framing your arguments more effectively, as some of your points could be better developed. Try to provide concise and accurate information rather than going around the point.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-structured with clear introductions, main bodies, and conclusions—keep this up. Also, you managed to support your main points with relevant examples but remember to fully develop your examples for the reader to understand your point better.

lexical resources

You have a good range of vocabulary, but try to focus more on vocabulary specific to the topic. Also avoid repetition of certain words and phrases.

grammatical range

Your control of grammar is good, but there are a few incorrect usages. Be aware of grammatical agreement and sentence structures. Using a wider range of grammatical structures will help increase your score.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS writing?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

16Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

305 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

celebrities
glamour
wealth
achievements
dangerous
young people
idolized
aspire
materialistic
impressionable
personal growth
meaningful
goals
hard work
dedication
intellectual pursuits
positive impact
platform
parents
educators
role models
guiding
inspire
reach their full potential

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Nowadyas, many medical research projects are funded by private companies. In your opinion, do you think that research should be carried by private companies, individuals or governent? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
One of the most concerning topics in the modern world is medicine research projects. While today these projects are mostly funded by private companies, I believe that they should also be developed by government institutions. This essay will discuss whether private companies and the government need to work on research projects.
5
band
Although family is a powerful influence on a child's life, it is also influenced from outside the home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that not only family has an influence on a child’s life, but it is also from the outside. From my point of view, I completely agree with the statement because both also have an impact on their youth.
6.5
band
Fast food is becoming one part of life everywhere, this has bad effects on our lifestyles and diet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In modern society, fast food has become an integral part of our daily lives and has gained widespread popularity in many countries. However, there is an ongoing debate regarding its negative impacts on human’s lifestyles and diets. In my opinion, I agree that despite its urgent solutions, its cons still outweigh its pros to some extent.
4.5
band
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
There is a long-held conviction among psychologists which states that it is more beneficial for offspring to start mastering the second language at primary school rather than secondary school. I firmly believe that the benefits that the given claim offers will overwhelm the drawbacks.
4
band
In a number of countries,some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities.Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Although in a number of countries, a group of people opine that is necessary for the government to improve current public transportation is more important since it can serve more local citizens.However, some few in number support that the money should be spent on building new railway lines for high-speed trains among cities.I think both groups are to some extent logical benefits of having their creative thought and lifestyle to enhance today's rapid urbanisation.

Celebrities are usually famous for glamour and wealth rather than their achievements. Some say taking them as an example can be dangerous for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Nowadyas, many medical research projects are funded by private companies. In your opinion, do you think that research should be carried by private companies, individuals or governent? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Although family is a powerful influence on a child's life, it is also influenced from outside the home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fast food is becoming one part of life everywhere, this has bad effects on our lifestyles and diet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In a number of countries,some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities.Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.