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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#amount #money #children #charity #usa #year #information #features #comparisons
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie charts demonstrate the
whole
Correct word choice
apply
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money
has been
Verb problem
apply
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paid by the USA
children’s
Capitalize word
Children’s
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charity
Capitalize word
Charity
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 in 2016 and compare it with its income.
Overall
Linking Words
, by a glance at these data, it is regarded that almost their purchases were equal to their revenue;
also
Linking Words
, they have made a minor profit. Regarding their monetary source,
Correct article usage
a dominate
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dominate
Replace the word
dominant
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 part of their money has been earned by donating food, nearly three-quarters of
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
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. In comparison, the least fraction was owned by the government and investments
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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were exactly the same; less than one
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the role of program revenue was
negligiable
Correct your spelling
negligible
due to
Linking Words
 it
was
Wrong verb form
being
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 approximately 2%. Back to the expenditure chart , their money has been spent only on three main purposes including program services, fundraising, management and general. In more detail, the most paying out was on the program services
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 were roughly 96%.
Also
Linking Words
, fundraising was
in
Change preposition
apply
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the second priority with a tiny difference in
copamrison
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with general spending.
Submitted by n97.mortazian on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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