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Writing Samples
Band 7

Successful sports professionals earn a great deal more than people in other important professions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#sports #professionals #people #professions
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It is often argued that professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 gain significantly more money than people who work in jobs deemed vital for society. In my opinion,
this
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 notion is true because
sports
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 professionals have more opportunities to earn a fantastic income. First of all, professional
athletes
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 do not only receive money by competing in
sports
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 competitions but they
also
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 have other sources of income
such
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 as appearing in advertisements and becoming brand ambassadors for various products.
This
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 is because successful
athletes
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 are popular in public
due to
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 their history of winning trophies or their skills. They are oftentimes internationally recognized, meaning that their popularity is at a world level.
For example
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, Christiano Ronaldo who is a very famous football player has appeared in a wide variety of commercials, from
sports
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 apparel to food products. The value of his contract has undoubtedly reached millions of dollars.
On the other hand
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, people who work in essential professions commonly need to focus on merely one job because their roles are fundamental in society. Working in essential professions usually needs years of training and experience, followed by consistent dedication to be in those fields.
For instance
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, doctors have to spend the majority of their time in hospitals or other healthcare facilities because they need to treat their patients. They surely will not possess other chances to gain money by doing other jobs. In conclusion, it is undeniable that successful
athletes
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 have more net worth than people whose occupations are essential for the public
due to
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 more variety of jobs that they can perform. I personally believe that statement because there has been much evidence showing that the popularity of
sports
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 professionals can aid them in opening more doors to
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 wealthier.
Submitted by tnindrasetiawan on

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task response
Make sure to address both views in the prompt and provide a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas well to enhance coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language.
grammatical range
Continue to work on grammar accuracy and range.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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