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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

People who live in large cities face a range of problems in their daily lives. What are the most significant of these problems? How can these problems be tackled?

#people #cities #face #range #lives
nowadays, citizens who live in urban areas are faced in their daily
life
 a sense of
problems
. the significant of these
problems
are
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is
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 the cost of living and crimes around their accommodation, and
then
 they develop equipment for security. the proposal caused
this
problems
Change the determiner
problem
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 is the cost of living nowadays is higher than in the past. citizens need to pay an electric bill or water bill once a month.
consequently
, it
make
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makes
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 people feel pressure
in
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at
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 work and they do not want to buy anything because the bill is too high
foe
Correct your spelling
for
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 them to buy. a primary example of
this
 problem is that in India, in some poor areas, people work day by day but their
life
are
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is
show examples
 not better and
then
 they can not buy anything for themselves or their
childs beacause
Correct your spelling
children because
 all of their money are
use
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used
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 to buy food. another reason
of
Change preposition
for
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this
 problem is the criminal surrounding our accommodations. large cities are places have the rates of crime are much higher than in the countryside because in urban areas, there not only
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 developing industries but
also
 have a lot of healthy houses. in Ho Chi Minh City, if the house is not
in
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on
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 the main road, it will be
easily
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easy
show examples
 for
criminal
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criminals
show examples
 to commit
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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. developing security equipment is a good solution to
this
 problem.
singapore
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Singapore
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 is a typical example, where have a lot of
camera
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cameras
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 around the street so it is easy to catch
the
Correct article usage
apply
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criminal when they commit crimes and will give minutes of sanctions to their house.
To sum up
,
although
it is clear that
 cities face a range of
problems
, it is undoubtedly possible to start to tackle these issues
,
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apply
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 and improve the quality of
life
 in cities. Governments and local councils must take the lead in dealing with these
problems
,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 city
life
 will only get worse in the future.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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