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Band 4

It is important for people to take risks,both in their professional lives and their personal lives Dobyou think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages

#people #risks #lives #dobyou
As human beings,We always struggle to achieve our targets.
Sor
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So
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 far
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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,we
face
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have faced
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 a lot of difficulties
through
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in
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this
 way.
People
 argue that it is important to take
risks
 in their
peoponal
Correct your spelling
personal
proposal
 and professional
lives
.In my opinion,I truly believe and I think the disadvantages. Supporting my agreement,I firmly believe that
risk takers
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risk-takers
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 develop their
problem solving
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problem-solving
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 quickly.We always manage our both professional
lives
 and personal
lives
 by accepting difficulties.It may lead to encounter challenges and build a strong person with lots of skills.
Hence
,I think that
people
 who take
risks
 grow faster than others.In fact,
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
 move
foreward
Correct your spelling
forward
 and achieve more by solving different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of problems throughout
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
. Explaining some of
the
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apply
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another supporting points
Replace the adjective
another supporting point
other supporting points
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 in favour
this
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of this
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 statement,It is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 who
are taking
Wrong verb form
take
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risks
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
 can achieve something in
life
.Because we all have a set of dreams and targets in our own
lives
.
Hence
,regardless of the
difficulties
Add a comma
difficulties,
show examples
people
 should try out the
risks
 that meet in the path.
Otherwise
,
people
 can stay at
same
Add an article
the same
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 level in the professional
carriers
Correct your spelling
careers
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as well as
 personal
lives
.
Therefore
,as human beings,
people
 should always accept targets and drawbacks to go forward and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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achieve something in
life
. In conclusion,I think that the advantages of taking
risks
 outweigh the disadvantages.I believe that
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
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 points
are
Verb problem
apply
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strongly
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 my
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viewpoint
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view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
Submitted by chamodimadushika2223 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to explicitly state whether the advantages or disadvantages of taking risks outweigh each other in the introduction or conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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