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Band 6

Research into new types of medicine and treatments are essential to improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches : private companies, individuals or the government ?

#research #medicine #treatments #health #diseases #fund #companies #individuals #government
There is no doubt that these days,we are living in an advanced era,
whereas
Correct word choice
where
show examples
research
 is a mandatory requirement in order to develop medicine and drugs. Some people argue that the
government
 should be responsible for funding these
research
projects
 neither private companies nor individuals. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
this
 argument and provide my point of view. To start with, there are several reasons why the
government
 should be responsible for funding
research
projects
.
Firstly
, medical
research
projects
 require a high amount of budget. It's undeniable that these
projects
 need specific methods
for example
 animal testing . Because animal testing can help to advance medical and scientific knowledge.
Secondly
, some researchers believe that international cooperation between other countries might be helpful for developing science , especially in the field of medicine.
Therefore
, permission must be obtained from the
government
 in order to allow
this
 cooperation.
Furthermore
, if the
government-sponsored
Correct your spelling
government sponsored
show examples
 these
projects
 , they would be more credible.
In addition
, in the sectors of medicine and pharmacology
Add a comma
,
show examples
continuous development should be obtained.
This
 improvement could be achieved through medical education and
research
 programs.
For instance
, in Saudi Arabia, the Ministry of Health during the Coronavirus crisis created a huge effort of
research
 to improve the quality of care.
Also
, the
government
 has powerful policies to protect the database from theft.
To sum up
, I do believe that the
government
 is more qualified to fund
research
projects
 than others,
due to
 the reasons that I mentioned above.
Therefore
, the
government
 must ensure that steps for financial support are taken .
Submitted by du.sg16 on

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Task Response
The essay addresses the question and provides arguments for government funding of research projects. However, it could benefit from providing a balanced view by discussing the potential benefits of private companies or individuals funding research.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the main points could be better supported with more specific evidence or examples.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate terminology related to medicine and research. Some improvement can be made by using more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows a good control of grammar with mostly accurate sentence structures and the use of complex sentences. However, there are some minor grammatical errors that can be corrected.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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