IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

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It is common for
people
Use synonyms
 to live in nursing homes after retirement, and some
people
Use synonyms
 view
this
Linking Words
 as a negative.
However
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, I think it will keep them mentally healthy and take the burden off their
children
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. On the one hand, older
people
Use synonyms
 live in retirement, which will improve their mental health. Because there are many
people
Use synonyms
 in the nursing home, you can communicate and socialize with friends, and you are less likely to feel lonely.
Therefore
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,
this
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 will help them maintain their mental health.
In contrast
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, older adults who live alone tend to isolate themselves, which can lead to mental illness.
For example
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, a report published by UBC showed that
people
Use synonyms
 with mental illness mostly live alone, proving that long-term stay in centres is the best way to maintain a good mood.
On the other hand
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, seniors living in long-term
care
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 centres are less likely to rely on the responsibilities of their
children
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. After retirement, they are cared for by professionals, so generally their offspring only need to visit them on weekends, leaving enough time to work or take
care
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 of their families. Others living alone may require daily attention from their
children
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, which means
this
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 can significantly disrupt the child's life.
For example
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, most Canadian seniors live in nursing homes and don't
care
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 about their
children
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. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that older adults would be better off living at home, living in a long-term
care
Use synonyms
 centre is a great solution that can help them stay healthy and avoid disturbing future generations.

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay prompt are addressed and provide a clear stance on the given topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the ideas are logically organized and connected, providing a smooth flow of information.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used by incorporating more synonyms and advanced vocabulary.
grammatical range
Pay attention to the correct use of complex grammatical structures and vary sentence types.
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