IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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It is argued among individuals that the best way to gather
people
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 from distinctive cultures and
ages
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 together is through
music
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. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
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 notion for two reasons. Reason one is that with
music
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, we celebrate or grieve, and reason two is that,
concerts
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 create a sense of unity among
people
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.
To begin
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 with, with
music
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, all
people
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 celebrate different occasions,
for instance
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, weddings, birthday parties, and when celebrating New Year’s Eve. No matter if a person is from another country, or is older or even younger than others, with proper
music
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 all
people
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 can dance with each other;
moreover
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, we can share our happiness with anyone because of
music
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.
Furthermore
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, in some countries, individuals play sad
music
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 or hire a singer to sing some religious songs during a ceremony for their loved ones who are gone.
Hence
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, in these kinds of situations,
people
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 can share their sadness with others and give them their condolences. Another principle is that
,
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apply
show examples
 all famous singers around the world have a fandom which has all types of
people
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.
Due to
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this
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, a lot of
people
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 can find friends or lovers from all nations and all types of
ages
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 and traditions
while
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 they are at
concerts
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;
besides
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, in
concerts
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, everyone is united.
For example
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, if we take a look at Taylor Swift’s
concerts
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, we can see a strong crowd of
people
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 of all kinds of
ages
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 and nationalities, all of them gathering together to create a wonderful experience
while
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 singing and dancing with each other throughout Taylor’s concert.
To sum up
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, as I mentioned in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I agree that
music
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 is very conducive for
people
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 to get close to others from a variety of
ages
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 and cultures,
due to
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 some reasons like, by playing
music
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 we celebrate or grieve with
people
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 and solidarity of
people
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 during
concerts
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.
Submitted by abbasisarina340 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Maintain a clear and direct approach throughout your essay to enhance coherence. Ensuring each paragraph follows logically from the previous one strengthens your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to indicate connections between your ideas more clearly.
Task Response
Be sure to directly address the essay question in your introduction, making your position clear from the outset.
Task Response
Continue to provide relevant examples to support your points as this strengthens your argument and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
Introduction & Conclusion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion which clearly states your opinion, adhering to the task requirements.
Examples & Support
Your essay effectively uses examples to support your arguments, enhancing the overall task achievement score.
Structure & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, with each paragraph focusing on a separate point, aids in making your argument coherent and easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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