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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
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In various cultures, children are often encouraged to believe that they can achieve anything if they work hard enough.
This
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message
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 carries both advantages and disadvantages.
Initially
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, one of the most significant advantages of
this
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 concise and widely-shared
message
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 is its ability to
instill
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instil
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 a belief in success in a broad audience. It's easy to remember and can be substantiated with real-life examples.
Consequently
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, it encourages young
people
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 to adopt
this
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 belief in everything they pursue.
Additionally
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, the
message
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 serves as a constant reminder, encouraging young
people
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 to stay on track. They use these quotes, timetables, and goals as their phone wallpapers or lock screens, ensuring they are visible at all times and helping them remember their tasks.
However
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, a brief
message
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 can sometimes pose obstacles to conveying its true meaning effectively.
This
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 occurs
since
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because
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people
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 may question the notion, primarily because there is no clear answer to how much effort is "enough.".
Then
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 they might bend the notion to lead to another way, often resulting in negative consequences. What is more, since the
message
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 is spread ubiquity, it seems to be clique.
As a result
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, students may begin to overlook its true value, and it may not carry as much weight as other aspects of one's life, ultimately having a less powerful effect on children's trust in what it takes to achieve life goals. In conclusion, reminding youngsters that they can accomplish their goals if they work hard enough in their lives gives these young
people
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 a sense of success and constantly motivates them not to give up on their aspirations. Yet, be cautious when using these brief statements because it is easy to change the notion, which leads to a terrible illustration, and they are not heavy enough to reinforce the belief parents wish to pass on to their children.
Submitted by vinhange on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be more explicitly stated to provide a clearer framework for the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas and arguments.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas and improve the overall lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and use a variety of sentence patterns to enhance your grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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