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Writing Samples
Band 6

Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities? Discuss the both positive and negative effects of adventures on people life with examples from your personal

#people #sports #activities #effects #adventures #life
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Nowadays, playing or participating in adventurous
sports
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 has become increasingly common some people want to participate more than others. It seems to me that there are both positive and negative aspects of taking part in these activities because of the reasons that I will explain in
this
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 essay. Doing stunts and performing risky actions in the form of
sports
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 has several upsides.
To begin
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 with, the main risk in doing
this
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 is the chance of becoming handicapped and losing precious life.
This
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 is because the chances of accidents are much
more
Correct word choice
higher
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 in
this
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 form of entertainment. If an accident happens, the athlete may suffer from a serious injury or death could
also
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 occur.
In addition
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, there are more chances that children may follow them and make them role models as these performers are mostly very stylish.
Finally
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, it is difficult to afford these
sports
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 as a high level of training is required to play them safely. Despite these concerns being certainly valid, there are several benefits of actively playing dangerous
sports
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.
Firstly
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, it could be a good source of income for participators.
This
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 is because prize money for winners in these
games
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 is usually very attractive. Other than that, athletes can make
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 videos and gain a high number of views on them. Another major benefit is that these
games
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required
Wrong verb form
require
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 a high level of fitness. Provided that, an athlete is healthy, only
then
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 he would be able to perform dangerous stunts.
Hence
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, people will keep them physically and mentally healthy. In conclusion, these are both advantages and drawbacks in becoming players of dangerous
games
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 that everyone should keep in mind before taking part in them. It is better to hire qualified trainers to do training before playing these sorts of
games
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.
Submitted by farrukh.maqsood on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your task achievement score, consider adding more personal examples or anecdotes to support your points. This will help create a stronger connection between the argument and personal experiences, further enhancing relevance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by making your introduction and conclusion more engaging and comprehensive. Summarize both positive and negative aspects effectively to create a unified response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear logical structure, discussing both positive and negative aspects in distinct sections making it easy to follow.
Task Achievement
The point about the economic benefits and health benefits is clearly articulated, demonstrating clear and comprehensive ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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