Some people believe that success is about hard work and determination. Others think that success has connection with money and personal appearance. Discuss bothviews and give your opinion.

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In
this
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day and age, where success results from is a hotly disputable topic.
While
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many people claim that achievement can be obtained through self-improvement, others argue that the reason lies in financial wealth and personal appearance. From my perspective, both self-confidence and material possessions play an important role in contributing to
one
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's achievement.
Firstly
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, practice makes perfect. Suppose
one
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is not good enough and
thus
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unqualified for a certain job. That person can activate his intrinsic motivation and constantly improve his weaknesses. Gradually,
such
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hard work will pay off. Let us take Thomas Edison as an example. If he had given up after the 999th time of trying, he would not have invented a light bulb which is considered
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of the most crucial inventions in the world's history. It was his perseverance that made his name famous.
Similarly
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,
one
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cannot succeed without trying and testing out his limits repeatedly.
Secondly
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, accomplishments in certain areas cannot be made with a lack of good looks and finance. It means that outside appearance and luxuries sometimes act as a vital means for us to gain victory.
For instance
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, good-looking women always know how to take advantage of their beauty to enter pageant competitions. Thanks to their attractive physique, they become globally well-known.
This
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example is a clear demonstration that outstanding external figures can definitely bring triumph to people.
To sum up
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, it is true that the benefits of being persistent are extensive.
However
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, attainment can
also
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be gained with the help of charming guise and financial power. To my mind, both factors play a key role in climbing a ladder of success.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs have a clear topic sentence and develop the main idea effectively.
lexical resource
Provide more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure to improve grammatical accuracy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • success
  • hard work
  • determination
  • money
  • personal appearance
  • achievement
  • effort
  • perseverance
  • financial wealth
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • self-esteem
  • self-confidence
  • happiness
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