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Writing Samples /
Band 7

obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.

#obesity #countries #effects
Obesity
 is becoming more widespread in many parts of the world these days.
This
 essay will provide the cause and potential measures related to
this
 tendency. There are a variety of different causes for
this
 matter.
To begin
 with, the main reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 being overweight is an unhealthy eating pattern.
Individuals
 who are undergoing
obesity
 often have an unhealthy diet which includes the consumption of sweet, oily foods that can highly affect the amount of calories gained.
For example
, consuming sugary desserts
such
 as cupcakes can result in more weight compared to eating healthier options
such
 as salads or vegetables. Another contributing factor is the lack of exercise. Being active daily is crucial to achieving a healthy lifestyle and foremost preventing
obesity
. Despite these circumstances, there are several solutions that each individual can use to solve the problem.
Firstly
, a simple solution is alternating the eating diet. It is encouraged by many scientists working in the field that eating healthier options can allow
individuals
 to lose weight more effectively.
Individuals
 can do
this
 by replacing food that can have high calories with healthier options that provide more nutrition.
Furthermore
, another measure
individuals
 can to to mitigate the rate of being overweight is to have exercise time. Having workout time results in muscle building
therefore
 potentially solving the issue of
obesity
. In conclusion, the problem of being overweight is unlikely to be eliminated in the short term.
However
, various actions can be taken into consideration to reduce the effects it is having on the current society.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all aspects of the topic and stays on topic throughout.
coherence cohesion
Use appropriate linking words and sentence structures to demonstrate a clear and logical flow of ideas.
lexical resource
Increase the range and accuracy of vocabulary used, avoiding repetition.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors and improve clarity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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