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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some
people
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 argue that states should invest in order to find a new globe to be inhabited , others claim that with the same money, we should solve our earth’s problems, personally, I support the latter opinion.
This
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 essay will discuss both ideas and explain my view clearly. On the one hand ,
people
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 who assert that governments should search for another
planet
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 in our solar system think that , as global problems keep increasing every day
such
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 as global warming and its consequences,we should find another habitable
planet
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such
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 as Mars .
That is
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 to say ,
according to
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 some scientists, the greenhouse gases already depleted the atmosphere layers which resulted in irreparable damage to the
planet
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, as we currently facing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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consequences
such
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 as natural disasters , including, hurricanes,earthquakes and tornadoes , since
this
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 damage is irreversible,they suggest that to find another
planet
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 to live on, encouraging the researches that discussing how to improve Mars to become an ideal
planet
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 for human beings live , and solve its atmospheric problems
such
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 as its thin atmospheric layer , lack of oxygen and its red toxic dust.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think that the budget allocated for localization of the new place and artificial adjustment to match humankind's needs will be more than enough to restore the earth and save humanity.
For example
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 , the same amount of money and maybe much less could save the
planet
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 by preserving and protecting the environment ,
in addition
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 to ,substituting fossil fuels with clean energy and using renewable resources .
Moreover
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, animals should be protected from extinction by providing a suitable,clean environment .
Furthermore
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, some of the finance can be allocated for subsidies to help
people
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 who live on the margin of society
as well as
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 providing shelters for the homeless ,
hence
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 alleviation of scarcity and poverty. I strongly believe that investing money in repairing our globe would result in more prosperity ,stable life and abundant nutritional resources for
people
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,
However
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,transferring to another
planet
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 like Mars could result in human extinction.
To sum up
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,
although
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 moving to another
planet
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 seems to be an acceptable idea , I believe that repairing and protecting our place would be easier and cheaper.

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general
Consider refining the introductory paragraph. While your stance is clear, breaking the first sentence into two sentences might improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph discusses one main idea. For example, separating the discussion on Earth's environmental protection and social problems into two paragraphs could enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Provide clearer transitions between ideas. Words like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'On the contrary' can help guide the reader more effectively.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, mention specific initiatives or technologies that contribute to reducing global warming or protecting wildlife.
general
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion which enhances overall readability.
coherence cohesion
The writer presents both sides of the argument effectively before stating their own opinion, reflecting a balanced discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented opportunities
  • extraterrestrial
  • satisfy human curiosity
  • practical benefits
  • inspiring goal
  • testament to human ambition
  • pursuit of knowledge
  • critics argue
  • imprudent
  • plague Earth
  • immediate attention
  • allocated for
  • environmental conservation
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • balanced approach
  • advancements
  • benefits for humanity
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