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Band 6.5

Poor nutrition and obesity is a problem in many developed countries and some people believe that a tax on fast food would reduce the problem. Do you agree?

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Introduction
In industrialized nations, the presence of individuals with poor nutrition and obesity is a growing concern, notably within family and social circles. The major problem is that they prefer
fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
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 rather than healthy meals; to suppress it, the government argues to increase the cost. As far as I am concerned increasing the price would not give much significant changes, because until now people still enjoying it.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 essay will give a better solution to a healthy lifestyle from the writer’s point of view.
Body paragraph 1
Increasing the tax on fast food may help in reducing the health
problems
Use synonyms
 we faced recently,
however
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, it is not the most effective way to do it. The better solution is to provide education to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
For instance
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,
in
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apply
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elementary school is the perfect time to ask them to live a wellness-oriented lifestyle. By asking them to bring their own lunchboxes containing basic nutrition, with protein, vegetables and carbohydrates. If they started in the early stages, health
problems
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 would not be an issue in the future.
Body paragraph 2
Fast-food
Correct your spelling
Fast food
show examples
 is well-known and widely recognized for its convenience and quick service, but it is not a healthy food option to consume every day. An improved alternative would be providing a healthy option in all fast-food stores. Some alternatives, by limiting the usage of frying food. Changing the cooking method in every store,
such
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 as changing the frying method to roasted, grilled, boiled or even a slow-cooking method with a cheaper price would eventually reduce the
problems
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.
This
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 way, consumers have healthier options to buy.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, high tax is not impactful enough to reduce unhealthy diet in the countries.
While
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,
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apply
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 providing better literature about healthy diet at an early age may mitigate the problem. Another solution is offering nutritious choices to minimize the
problems
Use synonyms
 we face nowadays.

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task response
You have addressed the prompt effectively, providing your opinion on whether increasing tax on fast food would reduce the problem of poor nutrition and obesity in developed countries. You have also presented alternative solutions to tackle the issue. Well done!
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good overall coherence and cohesion. Your ideas are logically organized, and each paragraph focuses on a specific point. However, to improve further, ensure that you provide clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
lexical resource
Your essay displays a good range of vocabulary. You effectively use a variety of words and phrases to convey your ideas. To enhance your lexical resource even more, try incorporating more academic vocabulary and precise terminology related to the topic.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is quite strong, with minimal errors in sentence structure and verb tenses. However, be cautious of punctuation errors and ensure consistent use of tenses throughout the essay.
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