IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others believe that teamwork and cooperation are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Competition
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 in
schools
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 can be challenging for some below-average
students
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, as it may impact their mental health.
While
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 some individuals believe that children should be trained to be competitive in educational institutions, others argue that
teamwork
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 and
cooperation
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 are comparatively more crucial. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss why both views are equally important and provide my own opinion. On the one hand, many people think
competition
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 in
schools
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 is important as it helps
students
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 to become better versions of themselves. To illustrate, when exam results are announced, the top
students
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 always compete to achieve the highest rank in their institution, every semester they have a target to outperform their peers and attain their desired scores.
Similarly
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, there is always significant
competition
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 in institutions for sporting events. To qualify for their school team, they have to perform better than their colleagues. Clearly, the ability to compete with one another in
schools
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 has proven beneficial for many.
On the other hand
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, another pivotal aspect of the opinion is that
teamwork
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 and
cooperation
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 are considered a crucial factor in education. Collaborating on projects helps develop professional skills like communication, which is essential for future careers.
For instance
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, working together on a science project teaches
students
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 responsibility, develops their problem-solving abilities,
as well as
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 helps boost their confidence
while
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 presenting their topics. These factors play a huge reason why
teamwork
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 and
cooperation
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 should be vital in
schools
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. In conclusion,
competition
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 in
schools
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 promotes personal growth and achievements. On the flip side,
teamwork
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 and
cooperation
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 enhance communication skills, and problem-solving abilities,
as well as
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 have a positive impact on their confidence. These skills are very valuable for success in the professional world. In my opinion, both sides are extremely important,
hence
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schools
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 should prioritize both aspects to ensure development among
students
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.

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which significantly enhances its structure. Keep up this practice.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported, but adding a few more specific examples would strengthen your arguments further.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive. However, it would be beneficial to discuss potential counterarguments more explicitly to provide a balanced view.
complete response
Your essay presents a complete response to the prompt and addresses both sides of the argument effectively.
logical structure
The essay uses logical transitions between paragraphs, maintaining a coherent flow of ideas.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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