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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about U.S. government spending on research between 1980 and 2008.

The graph below gives information about U.S. government spending on research between 1980 and 2008.
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The line graph illustrates how much money was allocated for 4 different majors by the US government from 1980 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that the expenditure on health was the highest
while
Linking Words
 the reverse was true for general science,
while
Linking Words
 all majors witnessed a fluctuation over the
period
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. In detail, starting at 8
billion
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 in 1980 the figure for Heath surged to reach a peak at 22
billion
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 in 2004, before falling to under 19
billion
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 in 2008.
While
Linking Words
 the expenditure of the US government for Space increased slightly from over 5
billion
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 to under 10
billion
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 between 2980 and 2008, a similar trend was seen in the figure for general science that went up gradually by 2.5
billion
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 to reach 5
billion
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at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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. There was a
period
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 of stability experienced in the amount of money allocated for energy between 1980 and 1992
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure fluctuated around 5
billion
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 and 7
billion
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the US government spent
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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budget on the other was drop over the
period
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 which started at 7.5
billion
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 and
at the end
Linking Words
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
period
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
5
billion
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, billion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • funding levels
  • government expenditure
  • trend analysis
  • budget allocation
  • inflation-adjusted dollars
  • historic highs/lows
  • research grants
  • public investment
  • financial resources
  • sector-specific spending
  • economic downturn
  • national priorities
  • scientific advancement
  • fiscal policy
  • economic stimulus
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