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Band 4.5

I want to give an email to professor. Is there any problem.

#email #professor
Dear Professor Caine Rolleston, I am writing
this
 email to you with
a
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the
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 hope
to seek
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of seeking
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 an opportunity to attend graduate school for
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a Master
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Master
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Master's
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 degree program at University College London. To briefly introduce myself, I am currently working at the Jinnam
primary school
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Primary School
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 in South Korea. Over the eight years, I have been
studied
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studying
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 in
field
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the field
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 of
Education
, and these days I want to know more about
education
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the education
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system
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systems
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 of other countries. I’m interested in
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the unequality
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unequality
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inequality
 of
education
 and
infringement
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the infringement
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 of teachers issue in Korea. I graduated from Jeju National University with an undergraduate degree in elementary art
education
 major. I have been looking closely into your research and became greatly interested in joining you
on
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in
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this
 line of work. Among your many valuable works, I was shocked about
“positive
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the “positive
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 deviance” case observed in Vietnam. I could develop my understanding of your academic interests, viewpoints and approaches, and
became
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I came
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 to believe that I would be able to
further
 develop my research in
this
 field under your guidance. I wish to inquire whether you are currently accepting graduate students. I plan to apply to your school’s Comparative
Education
 Master degree (2024 fall semester). If yes, I wish to introduce myself in more depth in my next
mail
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email
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. Even if your answer is no, I hope
this
 contact could be an opportunity to reach you for discussions on the issues of
Education
 as a student. Thank you very much for reading my email. I know you must be very busy, and I will greatly appreciate any time you can give me. Yours Sincerely, Soyoo Yoo
Submitted by soyuyu9 on

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task response
Overall, the essay addresses the task requirements and provides a clear and comprehensive response. However, there is room for improvement in terms of providing relevant specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are well supported throughout the essay.
lexical resource
The essay showcases a good range of vocabulary and appropriate use of academic language. However, there is still potential to expand the lexical resource and make the writing more precise and nuanced.
grammatical range
The essay displays a varied and accurate use of grammar structures. Some errors and inconsistencies are present, but they do not hinder the overall comprehension of the writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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