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Band 6.5

Topic: Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#topic #experts #country #wealth #citizens
Whether economic growth in a well-off
country
 would increase its
citizens
'
satisfaction
 has become a topic of discussion. In my opinion, I agree that
while
 there is a limit to what money can bring, an increase in a
country
's economic situation will always delight the
people
.
First,
economic
wealth
 is only a part of life
satisfaction
,
therefore
, it can only please
people
 to an extent. From my point of view, there is a limitation of material possessions that a
person
 could hoard. Most
people
 only need a roof over their
head
Fix the agreement mistake
heads
show examples
, food and money
that is
 used
pay
Fix the infinitive
to pay
show examples
 for other necessities.
Therefore
, once these needs are fulfilled, a surplus of other properties is no longer desirable.
Additionally
, a
person
's
satisfaction
 is not made of economic
wealth
 alone but
also
 of their well-being and relationships. To be more specific, a
person
 could be the richest, yet if he were big suffer from a prolonged illness, he would not achieve true
satisfaction
.
On the other hand
, I believe that
however
 prosperous a
country
 is, additional economic growth will always appease its
citizens
. There are aspects that only
anation's
Correct your spelling
a nation's
show examples
 monetary
reservecan
Correct your spelling
reserve can
reserve
 solve,
thus
, the larger the reserve becomes, the more problems it can tackle. Take road infrastructure
for example
, even if a
person
 drives the most expensive car but the road is bumpy, he would not be able to fully enjoy the experience. In these cases, a
country
's economic
wealth
 is important since more money equals better infrastructure.
Furthermore
, an abundance of possessions will lead to advancements in technology and healthcare. These in turn will benefit its
citizens
 beyond materialistic
satisfaction
. In conclusion,
although
people
 require more than
wealth
 to be approved, I strongly support the view that economic prosperity will result in increased
satisfaction
 of a nation's
citizens
.
Submitted by Date on

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grammar
Be mindful of small grammatical errors and typos, such as 'anation's' instead of 'a nation's' and 'reserve' should have a space following it.
example
Expand on and refine relevant specific examples to further illustrate your points. For example, provide more detailed explanations of how technology and healthcare advancements improve satisfaction.
clarity
Clarify and simplify some complex sentences. This ensures that your ideas are easier to follow and reduce the chance of misinterpretation.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining readability.
balance
You have made a good effort to balance both sides of the argument while still clearly supporting your main viewpoint.
logic
The points raised are valid and logically connected, contributing to a cohesive argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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